Excerpt from the ShuHana/ShuAda cheating fic.

Adachi’s shoes were in the genkan. Again.

Yosuke toed off his own with a sigh. It didn’t matter how many times he asked Yu not to invite the man over. By now, years after their first fight, the anger had burned down to itching irritation until that, too, was reduced to resigned acceptance. Yu always listened to Yosuke’s complaints, patient and quiet and penitent, and always a few months later Yosuke would return from a business trip to the sight of Adachi’s worn loafers dirtying the entranceway.

Like always, the two men were in the kitchen. They didn’t notice Yosuke immediately. Of course not. The remnants of a homemade meal were spread across the dining table. A smug, satiated smile hung on Adachi’s face. Yu, too, was smiling, mouth caught on the end of a laugh. Relaxed in a way he only ever was with family. And Yosuke, of course.

“Oh. You’re home early,” Adachi said. Yu sat up straighter, the smile slipping off his face. “Guess I should take off. Thanks for lunch, Yu-kun.”

Yu didn’t bother putting on his guilty hangdog expression until Adachi was gone. “I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow,” he explained as he gathered up the mess. But he stopped fussing as Yosuke embraced him and pressed his face into Yu’s warm, warm back. The tension of traveling - and the stress of work - bled away.

“I missed you,” he mumbled.

Yu shifted, and Yosuke relented enough to allow his husband to turn around in his arms. He cupped Yosuke’s face, hands gentle as ever.

“I really am sorry,” Yu said. Thumbs caressing his cheeks, he leaned down and brushed their lips together. Sweet and soft as powdered sugar. Yosuke leaned in - two weeks apart left him parched.

“I missed you too.”

And then he was lifting Yosuke up onto the counter and putting his mouth to better use.

*

It was an agreement they never agreed on.

Yosuke didn’t want Adachi in the house, period. The smug asshole thought he was twice as smart as he really was and used his connection to Dojima (and Yu) to wriggle out of any consequences. Yosuke hadn’t liked the man the first time they met. Each subsequent meeting only soured further until it stung like malic acid.

He could still remember Adachi’s smarmy smirk as the man leaned over and asked, after an exhausting business trip that left Yosuke reeling before he returned home to find Adachi set up in the kitchen like a king, “Get up to anything fun while you were away?”

When he had complained to Yu about it - because surely Yu would at least take some shred of offense at what Adachi implied - all he said was, “He’s just trying to be funny. You know what kind of humor he has.”

Yu wanted Adachi to visit. He was a family friend. Moreover, they shared a special bond thanks to the month they spent together taking care of Nanako after she was hospitalized. Yu had helped feed Adachi during high school - because the man couldn’t take care of himself, couldn’t stop bitching about needing a wife, as if anyone would want to marry him - and he helped feed Adachi now, over a decade later.

Yosuke didn’t understand it, but he knew that for the sake of his marriage he didn’t need to. He just had to accept that sometimes, more often than he wished, Adachi would be at the house.

Still, a burst of frustration erupted in his chest when he came home over his lunch break to find Adachi’s shoes in the genkan again. Not even a week since the previous time.

Too much. This was too much. Yosuke dropped his bag to the floor.

A loud thud interrupted his terse greeting.

Yosuke jumped. Before he could do anything else, a sobbing cry pierced the air.

What-

A rhythmic thudding echoed through the house. The sound was familiar. Yosuke knew exactly what was making it.

But that couldn’t be right.

His legs carried him forward. Fingers numb, he barely felt as his hand trailed along the wall.

The sounds grew clearer. Two voices, definitely. One obnoxiously breathy and high pitched. Another that-

Yosuke shoved the bedroom door open.

Adachi was thrown over the bed, on his knees, hands gripping the bedspread. Naked, every inch of his ugly scrawny body on display. A vicious bite bled at his shoulder.

Yu was on top of him. He was-

“What are you doing?” Yosuke heard someone say.

The two bodies separated.

Adachi scrambled for the sheets. But Yu remained shamelessly naked, and the face he wore was like every other time Yosuke had come home and found them in the kitchen.

“You’re home early,” Adachi said.

Okay so.

Obviously, Yu has some gender non conforming in-text elements. He does 'traditionally feminine' things. And I love headcanoning him as a housewife type, eager to please (his husband, preferably Adachi, but we could go with other men too). And I especially love him as a bit coy and coquettish, doubly so when he's the bottom. Playing up his youth and innocence, if that fits for the setting. That said, I see him as such a Male Character that it takes me a bit to hop into fem!Yu fic and headcanons. I view him as a gender nonconforming man, at the end of the day. (And I do like headcanoning him as ftm trans, too.) He's so comfortable in his masculinity that he doesn't feel the need to keep up with over displays of masculinity and especially doesn't play into toxic masculinity. He is passive without being just responsive (though this is arguably more about the gameplay of P4 than explicitly written). Also, he slots into the Dojima family as both an older brother to Nanako and a caretaker that can handle the emotional fluctuations in the house...which it seems Chisato was largely responsible for before her passing.

While I see Yu as solidly rooted in his masculinity/maleness, I see Adachi as constantly trying to prove his masculinity to himself and others. His murders are so obviously deeply rooted in....so many issues, one of which is heavily tied to masculinity and expectations of men and their sexuality. (Hence why I'm not as bothered by the 'incel' stuff as others often are. I don't tend to focus on the 'incel' aspects of his character for a few reasons, but i think it's a fair accusation when reading the English text.) He oozes comphet. A lot of his anger and frustration can be attributed to his professional failure, of course, and I appreciate explorations of that! But I really like exploring Adachi as a more queer character who doesn't have the language or even cognitive groundwork to understand what he's feeling and why. There's something about his manipulativeness and underhandedness that I think can be seen as feminine, in a way. I can only speak from a Western perspective, of course, but more 'subtle' uses of power are often associated with women. Adachi is passive in a different way than Yu; Adachi waits for the proper moment to strike or twist the situation to his benefit. That sort of behavior isn't associated with masculinity and male power, at least in Western thought.

(Whereas we can read Yu as only utilizing his power/authority in appropriate instances, but he is very firm and aggressive when needed. Adachi gets pushed into lashing out; he doesn't do his great big villain speech without the Team confronting him into a corner.)

I also see Adachi as being more fluid/mutable, a trait we often see assigned to femininity, than Yu. Of course Yu has different faces for his various social links, but I think he maintains a more rooted sense of self compared to, say, P5's Akira. (Who I view as a liar, at heart. I love him.)

Going into solid AU/headcanon territory, I love tinkering with the idea of Adachi having more/primarily female friends. Whether it's Izanami as a human (or human friendly god), other characters in the canon, or OCs...I think Adachi would be a catty bitch and get along with other secretly catty bitches. (AUs where Adachi and Saki interact and are friends are like....my life.......) I also love the thought of him realizing he has more in common with women in how he interacts/manipulates the world than with the men around him.

When it comes to the both of them, I really like thinking about how they are the ones 'acted upon' by Izanami (vs the ones initiating). But I love love love Izanami, so.

Anyway. That's basically why I like writing them as men (trans or cis). I enjoy other headcanons for them and have some WIPs for fem!Shuada, but I think that changing their genders really changes their dynamic and how they interact with the world, so I try to consider that when writing.

(hides face in shame because i only got this ask by whining)

I could discuss this topic for hours. No lie.

First, let's establish what's meant by top/bottom. Some people use the terms differently, so I want us to have a baseline for where I'm approaching the topic. Top equals penetrative, bottom equals the one being penetrated. For me, that is purely all the naming order means. Who is sticking something in. Top/Bottom, to me, doesn't necessarily convey what sort of relationship dynamic a story is going to have. I will look at the tags (if available) for that.

So. That said. I love both Shuada and Adashu (or adasou, as some say). I will read both, I will feast upon both like a starving man who has never seen food, I will guzzle them both down like a wanderer in a desert finally offered blessed water. At the end of the day I want the two of them together (and ideally fucking) and I will take that however I can get it.

Buuuut...I prefer Shuada.

With a huge caveat that I love love love Shuada where Adachi is actually the aggressor, the dominant one, manipulative, bitchy, his wonderful mean self...he's just the one taking it up the ass. I do think there can be an emotionally vulnerability to bottoming that would make Adachi resistant to it, but I also think that bottoming can make one feel more powerful and in control. I love power bottom Adachi, Adachi who is a bottom and a dominant, Adachi who is exploiting Yu's desire (and his cock), and I especially love an Adachi who is both reveling and despairing at his own crisis of masculinity (as bottoming is so often seen as feminine and emasculating). Adachi who makes fun of Yu for becoming aroused when he touches him, who seduces Yu into bed but is the one being penetrated so he can then lay a lot of the blame at Yu's feet and pile on the guilt... Basically, I love manipulative awful bottom!Adachi and I love caring, genuine, adoring, and kinda stupid top!Narukami.

All this is not to say that Adashu doesn't grind my gears. The English-speaking fandom has so much good Adashu content that I consume regularly. gothpigeon released a great one recently, I love everything maeruth does and will stan forever, Adachi being an actually horrible person and fucking up Narukami is so tasty. I just love shuadashu so much. It makes me sick.

I will say this. Some of the English Shuada fic I have read isn't quite to my preference. I like it, yes, but it doesn't hit what I want. I like bottom!Adachi as an extra manipulative character. I appreciate and enjoy bottom!Adachi where Yu is just emasculating him and being mean (because he's the one person Yu can be mean with safely), buuuut I find that more fun in a play or kink scenario, where they both have signed up for it in a way. I think Adachi clearly has some issues around masculinity and adulthood that could be explored in interesting ways, especially when contrasted with Yu's seemingly effortless masculinity (which is actually very atypical and gender nonconforming).

My preference for Shuada is actually why it's hard for me to read fem!Yu content at times (is fem!yu pegging adachi? then why am I reading? jk, but...), coupled with the interest I have in exploring the gender dynamics of male!Adachi with male!Yu. (Fem!Shuadashu is different, but still tasty, to me. Just...very different.) Anyway, I'm about to start rambling about how I perceive Adachi and Yu's genders in a more broad scope so I am going to stop.

According to the plan, Adachi handled the funeral arrangements. The will specified all the people who were allowed to, and none of them were in any state for it - except Adachi. And Adachi wasn't going to let Yu's parents swoop in and act like they gave a damn.

Yu had done most of the work beforehand, anyway.

So Adachi handled it. He was handling all of it fine. It wasn't like it was a sudden, unexpected thing. They'd known. They'd had time. Adachi already mourned. So of course he could take care of everything.

The wake, the funeral - all of it went off without a hitch. Lots of sobbing, though. So much fucking crying. Really, it was ridiculous. Everyone had known Yu was sick.

He didn't cry.

His hands didn't shake as he accepted the bone fragments from Nanako, as he dropped them into the urn.

Nanako sobbed on the ride home. Ryotaro held her close.

Adachi held onto the urn and didn't feel anything at all.

*

He stayed one night with the Dojimas, and then he returned to the apartment. Ryotaro tried to get him to stay, with an offer of breakfast and coffee, but Adachi begged off. Said something about the apartment needing cleaning.

He slipped into the futon as soon as he got through the door. He shut his eyes, but he couldn't keep himself from breathing in the scent of Yu. It was bitter, tinged with illness, and it was everywhere.

Adachi wrapped the blankets around himself and slept.

*

When he woke, it was dark. A street lamp glowed angrily through the flimsy curtains. Adachi stared at it. Rolled over.

The clock on the stove blinked out the early hour.

His breathing was the loudest thing in the room. He focused on the inhale, the exhale, the expanding muscles in his chest.

He didn't feel anything.

In the absence of Yu, there was nothing. He was empty. Again.

He slept. Again.

*

When he woke in the morning, the apartment was quiet. No scent of coffee blossomed from the kitchen. No gentle clatter of cutlery. No tinkle of pills being tipped out from their bottle.

Yu wasn't in bed. He didn't need Adachi to get up and cook - he was still shit at it, even after all the practice the last few months gave him. Yu didn't need anything from him anymore.

Because -

Adachi got up, relieved himself, and went back to bed.

*

He drifted in the quiet. He threw a blanket over the useless curtains, casting the room into perpetual darkness.

It was fine. He had done everything Yu needed of him. He didn't need to do anything anymore.

His body ached. His stomach hurt. He drank water, when he remembered, when he got out of bed.

He ignored every buzz of his phone.

*

Shrill ringing - someone calling - interrupted the dark.

He ignored the call. And after the third attempt, he turned the phone off.

He'd done what was needed. He didn't owe anyone anything more.

*

There was a loud thudding in the apartment. Adachi groaned. He covered his ears. It didn't stop.

"Adachi!" someone yelled. "Open the fucking door! Adachi!"

"Go away," he called, hoarse.

"Open the door or I'll kick it down! I swear to god!"

He groaned and got up, knees wobbling, stomach rolling, and shambled to the door. He unlocked it, not feeling the metal underneath his fingers.

Yosuke Hanamura stood outside the apartment. He shoved into the room before Adachi could say anything.

"We thought you were dead! You asshole!" He strode through the space, stepping over the disheveled futon before pulling down the makeshift curtain. Light flooded the room. Adachi winced and covered his eyes. "I've been trying to call you all morning. Do you have any idea how worried Dojima has been?"

Adachi looked at Hanamura. At the perfectly blue sky outside. Snow was on the ground, on the roofs of the adjacent buildings.

"I don't care," he said.

"What?"

"I don't care," Adachi repeated. "Can you get out? I'm alive. So you can leave."

Hanamura marched toward him.

"Are you kidding? I'm not leaving. You - when was the last time you ate?"

"Don't care," Adachi repeated.

Hanamura gaped. "I - what - no! What the hell are you -" He cut himself off with a harsh sound. Adachi looked at the window again. It was tiring, to try to looking at Hanamura. "Do you think Yu would want you to do this?"

"He's dead," Adachi replied reflexively. Hanamura stilled, all his restless energy focusing to a point. "So it doesn't matter what he would want."

They stared at each other.

Something snapped in Adachi. In his throat. That was how it felt, anyway.

Shaking - he was shaking. His throat felt full, like he was about to vomit, but there was nothing, nothing to puke up, nothing to spit out. There was only the pain and the tension in his throat and

Oh. He was crying.

He was finally crying, and in front of Hanamura, of all people.

"Adachi," Hanamura murmured sympathetically.

And Adachi hated him in that moment, viciously and with every fiber of his being, he hated Hanamura and it felt so good and so bad because at least he was feeling something, and the dam of every other stupid emotion in his chest broke.

Yu really was - dead.

Hanamura tried to touch him. Adachi elbowed him in the face.

"Adachi," Hanamura said, again, like he was pleading, like he was talking to a child or maybe a cornered animal.

It hit, then, the realization that the one person who called him by his name, who called him Tohru, was gone, and Adachi wasn't getting him back. He wasn't going to wake up tomorrow to Yu in the kitchen, or in his bed, or at the chabudai laughing at some quiz show.

"I'm gonna be sick," Adachi said through the tears and snot.

He puked in the sink - just water, and bile - and Hanamura, the moron, rubbed his back the whole time.

It started small. Unintentional, really. Yu was just being honest. He knew he could be unreadable, a bit difficult to understand. And he never wanted Adachi to question how he felt. Not now, when he didn't have to hide or deny it.

So when Adachi got home from work, he made sure to tell him, "I couldn't wait for you to get home." He helped slip the jacket off Adachi's shoulders. "I've been thinking of you all day."

Adachi ducked his head. "Ugh. Gross. What are you, my wife?"

"No," Yu replied. Adachi nodded, still disgruntled. "We're not married. Yet."

"Yet?" Adachi squawked.

That might have been the start.

*

Then, when they were in bed together, enjoying the afterglow and each other's warmth, a respite from Inaba's cold winter, he traced his fingers up and down Adachi's arm. Just soft movements. Gooseflesh rose on Adachi's skin, but he didn't protest or pull away.

"I never thought I would get to touch you like this," he murmured.

Adachi jerked, opening his eyes, before glowering. He rolled away. His cheeks were dusted pink. Yu pouted and chased after him, pinning him down, kissing across his clavicle and neck until Adachi was liquid underneath him.

*

So maybe he started saying more things. More often. Unprompted. Maybe he was trying to get a reaction.

As they lazed on the couch, watching a shitty movie, his arm looped around Adachi: "Everytime I think of you, my heart beats faster."

"That sounds like a medical condition," Adachi replied. But when Yu glanced down, Adachi was, again, flushed.

When they were out at lunch, a rare moment midday when they both had time off, he caught Adachi's hand in his and said, "Being with you brings me the greatest joy."

Adachi yanked his hand away. "Idiot," he hissed. "We're in public."

Yu nodded and reclaimed Adachi's hand, intertwining their fingers. "That's fine. I want everyone to know how much I love you."

Adachi squirmed, flushed almost to the tips of his hair, but let Yu keep his hand.

two for one.

tags for 1: accomplice ending, bad end, angst i guess, sorry about that

A shriek echoed up from below. Yu peered out the window, following Adachi’s bemused gaze. The other skyscrapers were only dim lights through the fog. Only a few meters down the fog turned too thick, impenetrable. Only despairing sounds broke through.

Heavy footsteps raced down the hallway, shuddering the walls of their hotel room. Adachi jerked toward the sound like a hunting dog. His eyes were bright; his smile was crooked and too wide. Yu turned back to the window. The sun wasn’t visible, its once bright rays reduced to murky hints of light. Soon, not even that would remain.

He waited, and waited, counting his slow heartbeats, and felt nothing.

Adachi sighed happily. He stretched languidly; his shirt tugged out of his pants and revealed a strip of stomach. His tie was long abandoned, trashed in some worthless town. Glee made him luminescent. Or maybe he had always been radiant, to Yu. Like a flame unable to be extinguished. Like a match, and Yu was just gasoline.

“Not a bad place you chose,” Adachi commented. Yu agreed, privately. It was the first hotel room they had met up in after Adachi followed him out of Inaba. An utter waste of money on Yu’s part: all they had done was discuss what cities Yu would visit and where Adachi was getting assigned next. And how to space the murders so they couldn’t be easily traced. That was a given.

Back then, there had been enough of him left Yu felt nervous. Too nervous. Shy, almost.

Now, he was hollowed out. His guts and his hope emptied all across Tokyo until he was as shallow as everyone accused him of being.

Adachi’s irises were pure molten gold when their gazes met.

Something fluttered in Yu’s chest.

Without thought — who needed to think, now? — he cupped Adachi’s face in his hands and kissed him. Just a firm press of his lips against Adachi’s own.

Maybe he would feel something. Something as foul and wonderful as when he picked up that lighter, when he first saw Adachi’s face warp, when —

Adachi kissed him back, mouth cracking open like an egg, like a body split by shadows, and oh. Finally. Finally, what he had been craving. What he had been searching for. All those years as the fog bled through, all that time, murder after murder after murder, but now, finally, at the end of things —

Adachi laughed into his mouth. “Took you —” Yu cut him off with another kiss, biting at his bottom lip. “Took you long enough.”

Yu tripped back onto the bed. Adachi followed, magnetized, their mouths never separating for more than a breath. Fire built under their skin. Adachi hurriedly yanked off his shirt, buttons popping, the echo of plastic against the wall and floor lost in the tearing of Yu’s own clothes as he ripped them off.

Adachi brushed his thumb underneath Yu’s eye. “They’re finally gold,” he murmured. And then he pressed down and swallowed every sound Yu offered up.

Lost in their bodies, in the flames consuming them, the cries of the old world faded into nothing.

*

tags for 2: AU, established relationship, being walked in on but it's not that serious, humor

Moments alone were getting rarer and rarer, these days. Yu appreciates what he can steal. So as soon as the door shuts, he places a hand on Tohru’s knee and leans in. He’s begging, a little bit, but Tohru’s indulgent smirk numbs some of the sting.

“Yes?” he teases, not bothering to hide his humor.

Yu whispers his name, husky, before kissing him. Just a quick peck. Tohru chases after him. They hum, content, but then Tohru is inching closer. Slinging his arms over Yu’s shoulders. Licking at Yu’s mouth for entrance, needy in a way Tohru never admits to, and Yu won’t deny him. Not ever. But especially not after a week of not getting laid.

Tohru whimpers as Yu grabs his waist. He’s got Tohru tipped back, tongue thoroughly down his throat, and he’s about to pull him onto his lap when someone exclaims, “Ugh! Gross!”

They tear apart. Tohru wipes at his mouth with his sleeve and manages an impressive glower, considering the circumstances.

Sho stands just past the genkan, face thoroughly green. His wallet sits on the table, in the exact spot he forgot it earlier. Yu sighs and drops his head onto Tohru’s shoulder.

“It’s like seeing my parents make out,” Sho grouses. “Or, I guess it would be like that? Anyway —”

“Get out!” Tohru snaps.

“Yeah, go to your room,” Yu jokes. Tohru jabs him in the gut. “I’m about to thoroughly debauch your mo—” Tohru hits him harder and Yu’s rude comment ends in a wheeze.

When Sho leaves, wallet in hand, Tohru gives a sickly-sweet smile. “Enjoy your hand, asshole,” he snarks as he slips away.

Yu trips after him. “Wait, Tohru, no, I didn’t mean it!”

At least Tohru lets him apologize, thoroughly.

Ah, tough question...

It's a very silly/inconsequential one, but I headcanon that Adachi really likes sweet foods. I also headcanon that he tries to hide that around others. (There's this scene where he drinks black coffee in 'Fidelity Decay' that I think about a lot, haha.) I try to work that headcanon into most of the fic I write with him. On a similar note, I'm one of those people who thinks that Akechi dislikes sweet foods.

I also think that he's pretty good with (young) kids, though he doesn't like interacting with them. (Nanako being an exception, of course.) He might be a jerk to them unintentionally, but he'll try to make them feel better if that happens, and he's good at understanding their moods and needs...even if he doesn't want to be the one responsible for managing those things.

I've been dumping a lot of my Adachi headcanons into my main WIP because that one is literally just me writing everything I want...but I also consider that Adachi very different from canon, so. Hm...

For Yu, I like to think that as composed and together he seems around other people, he's actually a bit of a mess. (I guess that's not an uncommon headcanon...) Stuff like him being clumsy when he's alone, and his eating habits being absolutely unholy when he doesn't need to cook for someone else (amazing cooks who will sniff questionable food and go 'good enough' are a soft spot for me), to the far extreme of being a concentrated ball of anxiety and stress that just masks it really well... How much of a mess I make him depends on the fic. I do genuinely love actually hyper-competent Yu Narukami as well, but I find a messier boy more fun to write.

I also think Adachi has an average to large-sized dick, cause I think he deserves it <3 I always headcanon Yu having a bigger dick though. (I'm a simple man.)

I've been thinking over this question since you sent it in, and unfortunately I think my answer has to be a very vague 'i don't know'. Whether I like a work after finishing or a few years down the line...it really depends, and it changes. Sometimes I'll dislike a piece because I think I've improved as a writer since I first wrote it, and though I try not to hold that against my older works it's...really hard not to. I don't like any of my ES21 or Teen Wolf fics now, but when I first wrote them I thought they were solid. But the one Stony fic I wrote way back when is still 'good enough' in my book...though that's partially because I've gotten a lot of private feedback from people (online and off) that they like it.

With my newer works... I knew as soon as I finished 'parade' that I liked it a lot. I'm hoping I continue to like it in the future as well, cause it came out almost exactly like I wanted it to when I conceptualized it. I'm unsatisfied with 'three squares' but also glad that I finished and posted it. So I'll probably dislike it more the more distance I get. For my latest 'head to toe', I...don't really have positive or negative feelings about it, honestly, because it was written entirely for, uh, Horny Reasons, so quality wasn't a factor at all. My feeling will probably always remain as 'huh, i really posted that online'. I alternate between being completely sick of my long WIP, never wanting to look at it again (usually when I'm rereading for plot holes/plotting), and thinking about it all the time. I imagine when I'm done with that I will be too exhausted to form an opinion on it for a long, long time.

I don't think I get attached to my older works. My feeling is, 'I published them, I should leave them up in case someone likes them' - because I know how upset I've been when works I've liked have been taken down/deleted/removed. If I was bold enough to publish them at one point, I can deal with cringing when I reread them now.

Sometimes I will dislike the actual writing, like turns of phrase or descriptions. (There's a bit in one of my Sterek fics that makes me physically cringe every damn time I read it.) Other times, I've come to dislike the characterization I used. When I was younger I really didn't care about the latter and would just shove my favorite characters into Situations because I could. Nowadays I'm much pickier about trying write moderately 'in character'.