probably the wrong person to ask this to considering im abstinent and all but Back In The Day it was highs and lows. i didn't really start out domming! i didn't feel drawn to it or anything like that, it's kinda by chance that i stumbled into the role. i didn't find it difficult, it was more a matter of getting over the feeling of "oh my god im going to fuck up". I'd never had Big Authority in the past and then i had people who wanted me to dom them, which takes a handful of decision making and playing the role of someone secure in themselves, i think. i think a lot of it is paying attention and staying a step ahead, keeping an eye out for what your partner/s likes and dislikes and so on and so forth. really, kink is basically improv with extra safety guidelines. psyching yourself out will really only add tension to the situation which can negatively impact the whole affair

if you were looking for tips i fear mine will be very basic: read up on it. do your homework. communicate w your partner/s when it comes to the more risky types of play, especially things that involve physicality (bondage, impact play, etc), try things out on yourself before you do it to anyone so you can get a good grasp of how things work. don't neglect safety! learn how to enjoy the dialogue part of the process !

also i believe Evie Lupine recently posted a video for/about new doms so I'll try to get that link for u. it's probably wayyy more insightful than anything i could share ajrjjs

I looooooove talking <3 slash hj but I do agree that we should start discussing these things more. I'm sure at least some of the big responses we see towards all the dark and taboo fic out there is partially because the people doing the whole witch hunt thing feel a lot of shame and fear towards not only this type of content, but also their own reactions to it.

I think one of the big things that has helped me find some peace of mind when it comes to all of this is simply asking, "would I want this to happen in real life?" and the answer is pretty much always a hard no. Interrogating this sort of thing helps clarify for yourself where the line is drawn in the sand. Also, I find it prevents the unwanted spirals of, "maybe I'm the worst kind of person for enjoying this, what if I hurt someone" which came up about twice a week for me before I got ahead of them. shrug emoji.

To some extent I think the shame and the fear and the disgust can keep coming up even if you know the kind of person you are, if only because your brain likes to make sure of stuff. When the thought patterns become repetitive and obsessive is where I start getting worried. Honestly, when I've had that happen, I just take a break from anything Dark™ to help recalibrate and so I don't feed the shame monster in my head.

I looked at some of what cloudrages said and I really agree! Not only cause of the Big Thing (unlearning shame and self policing) but also cause the brand of noncon they bring up is perhaps the tastiest form of it...

Thank you for meeting me in the middle, man . Thumbs up emoji

Okay, well. I have to open with the obvious disclaimers that I'm obviously biased towards an opinion that benefits/fits the things I write about, and that I am not some knowledgeable, ultimate authority on the topic. This is just my own POV and so on and so forth.

In an attempt to keep it brief, I'll stick to three main points that are what I feel the most strongly about: i) Fact vs. Fiction; ii) "Cancel Culture"; iii) Censorship in Contemporary Society. None of these will be touched upon at length cause, again, I'll try to summarize.

I also want to preface (again) by saying that this may sound radical at times and a lot of it is kinda born out of seeing so many horror stories, seeing some of my closest friends be shunned and ostracized, and experiencing backlash firsthand. This has a pretty undeniable impact in how I'll say things and, honestly, at this point I don't really care about limiting my emotionality when it comes to these things because it really is that serious.

i. Facts v. Fiction. The main gripe the pro-censorship crowd seems to have, from what I have seen, is that everything we create and interact with in art and media is a direct reflection of who we are as individuals. See: "Your brain can't tell what's real and what isn't".

I find this to be a very stupid argument that relies on the belief that everyone in the world who stumbles upon art and media with "dark themes" is an innocent, easily brainwashed individual with no morals of their own nor a desire to interrogate anything they come across, ever, and, on the flipside, it presumes that those who create this kind of stuff are all deviant, degenerate freaks (note the choice of word here) who have made it their life mission to pervert everything and everyone through their works.

I don't discount the possibility that people can be influenced by the things they interact with but, if I'm being totally honest, I don't think a couple horror novels and some gore will turn the median citizen into a frenzied killer. Just like I don't think people who jerk off to rape fantasies would actually rape someone. There is more to immoral and evil than just an interest in themes that are immoral and evil.

Speaking from my own experience, I find writing things like non-con and incest, as you cited, to be far easier than writing straight up fluff. Simply because I find it more interesting to delve into the more muddier areas of what humans are capable of. Do I endorse or engage in the things I write about? No. Not even the fluffy stuff. I am a deeply boring individual.

The other aspect to this is that writing and reading stories with this kind of content allows for introspection. I've had some of the longest sit-downs with myself when trying to figure out how a character who does these kinds of things would perceive the acts. How they would justify it to themselves or get over the taboo and the guilt and the initial instinct that recognizes the act is wrong (if there ever is one).

It is everyone's right to refuse to interact with whatever they don't wish to interact with, of course, but I find it important to sometimes sit in the discomfort of having to put down the reasoning of someone who would do something I would never do into words.

ii. "Cancel Culture." Based on everything I just said, I'd like to add that it's not abnormal or uncommon for one's first instinct when faced with fucked up stuff to be, "I hate that, get it away from me." It's not even abnormal or uncommon to present it to people who you know share your perspective so you can all discuss how fucked up the thing is and how much you hate it. I've certainly done it multiple times in the past and will probably do it again in the future. It is not inherently wrong to feel disgusted and even somewhat alarmed when we see someone seemingly delighting in Bad, Gross, Evil Stuff.

What I do have a problem with is the whole theatrics that tend to follow.

I'm not even entirely sure when or why we went from a collective Scroll Away, Close The Tab policy to callout threads and dogpiling but I just fucking hate it.

I made a group of close friends in a different fandom and we all got cancelled for things that, honestly, seem very menial to me. From me stating that I don't think writing fucked up things makes you a fucked up person to two of my friends writing a soft necro fic, most of us ended up getting some amount of hate mail and suibait. I left the fandom because of this. I spent more hours than I can count typing out post after post, trying to explain my point of view to people, and then more and more posts defending my friends.

Then, I believe this was last year, I got called out in the Stray Kids fandom for associating with someone who posted fic content that included underaged characters in mostly vaguely sexual situations, and for not denouncing them after the initial callout was made.

Let me be clear: I could not possibly give less of a shit if this person, or anyone, wrote full on lolisho jerk off fodder. I could not, in this lifetime or the next, care about what anyone makes or interacts with in the realm of fiction. Because that's all it is. Fiction. Unless someone behaves in illegal, reprehensible ways in real life, I do not give a shit.

I don't often bring this up because I'm sure it would only bring glee to the people who do all of the cancelling and the shunning and the ostracizing, but it takes a very real toll on people when they are exiled from a community they feel is dear to them, which is the case of most people and fandom. These spaces are, in name, supposed to be about sharing things we all enjoy and care for but it seems to very quickly turn into yet another field for the "Burn All The Freaks" sorta pack mentality thing. Even

Once again, because I feel I can't possibly stress this enough, writing fucked up things does not inherently make you a bad person. The correlation does not exist.

I also believe that if you fear someone is a threat to those around them, the first/only move should not be callout threads and vagueposting or anon hate. Bringing real issues into fandom spaces is certainly possible and oftentimes necessary but the reiterated "This person is [type of criminal] because they wrote fic about it" feels banalizing to me.

In this regard, I will say that I really do appreciate those who are vigilant about individuals who make fandom spaces unsafe, but I just wish their attention was more focused on facts rather than the wishy-washy thing about you are what you write.

iii. Censorship in Contemporary Society. I won't go on a looong long winded spiel about how AO3 was born out of a need to have a site that wouldn't take down whatever they found unsavory nor will I talk about the suppression of marginalized voices under the guise of the whole "These People Are Deviant Freaks" nor will I bring up book burning.

The short and simple of it is: as soon as we accept that certain matters should not be depicted or spoken of ever because they are too evil, we open the door for other people to decide more things are too evil.

It starts off easy with the more disgusting things like the smut with underaged characters and the bestiality and the gore and all of the things that we all unanimously agree are bad and evil, and then it's all kinds of smut and all kinds of horror, and then it's anything queer or even remotely faggy or dykey, and then it's all kinds of romance that doesn't fit a very specific, narrow mold.

I'm not saying we all have to cheer on the people who write the unsavory, evil things. I'm just saying that rallying against the people writing the unsavory, evil things is giving a loaded gun to An Entity who would love nothing more than to summarily execute everyone who is even a little bit out of the box, and I do believe it is that serious.

The way I look at it, it's similar to the death penalty. Do I sincerely believe every No Good, Horrible criminal out there deserves to live? Even as someone who considers themselves to be an abolitionist, no, I don't. Do I believe that when given the power to kill undesirables, the State will wield said power gracefully? Fuck no. I support the most fringe groups because they are on my side of the spectrum. I support the people writing fucked up horror and smut because I write gay fic.

When people outside of The Community look at the entire group, they don't think only some of us are doing fucked up shit, they don't like any of us. Even some people who partake in activities similar to us hate our fucking guts. I'm not even exaggerating. I've seen more than enough people who write, read, and enjoy fan fic wish death upon RPF enjoyers, because their limit extends until right before real people are included. I'm not making this up even a little bit.

The goalpost moves every single day and it moves for every single person at a different speed. There's a myriad of things that disgust me and that make me wonder if the writer is alright when I see them show up, am I starting hate campaigns the likes of which have resulted in the death of people? No. Do I willingly retraumatize abuse and rape victims by siccing people upon them because they use writing as a therapeutic tool? No. Do I even care that much what people write about? No, and to be completely sincere, I don't understand those who do.

TL;DR: Our concern can be showcased in less destructive manners, and nothing about what a person writes or reads is a sure sign of what they do. If you make callout posts over fic and fanart you're a loser in my book and I won't ever forgive or forget the real life harm you've brought upon people over works of fiction. If you see something that makes you want to puke, be a grown up about it. There are better ways to go about real concerns of abusive people in our spaces.