One of my many flaws is that I feel repelled by ugly things. That sounds normal? But my ugly isn't probably your ugly. My ugly includes sets of styles in architecture, clothing, engineering, biology, graphics, fashion. Still normal? I also feel repelled by body shapes, faces and hair styles. I talked to a very nice person but the beautiful character could not make the ugly thumb vanish. That thumb cast a shadow on it all. I know this is unjust, unhappy, shitty, undeserved and lunatic. Not to mention it casts unfairness over many things. It is as if there is a switch inside my belly. I can feel when it switches. When it goes to off it hardly goes back to on. It takes conscious efforts to overcome my automatic reaction of turning around and going away. I do not say, sorry, that's how I am. It is sorry that I am that way. But I know it takes effort on my side to not let that cause insult, injury and insecurity. It is easier to pretend that raisins are enjoyable ingredients in food. But I do it. Though it is a form of fundamental lying. I would not like it if random people would tell me that my nose is a doorknob and my civilised behaviour is snobby and ugly and my bottom is a saggy article better hidden under a wide coat. So I do not do that, though I might might feel the same way. What can I do? I do arrange with it. But my spontaneous emotional reaction on "ugly" things is still the same. And before sb asks.. Yes, my reaction on ugliness is also the same when I stand in front of a mirror. Sometimes I cannot repress the reaction on my own ugly features. I need a better shape of my toes, nose, face expressions. Am I lost? No I am here. But in a state of want for 'perfection'. That is bitter.