I feel like I’d buy a nightclub and be a third-tier ‘celebrity’ who would attend the opening of a packet of crisps if it got me in the papers. Well past my prime but always with at least one young stud hanging on my arm. I see earrings suddenly becoming very, very important; and gold chains - lots of them, all worn at once. I’d become known in all the wrong circles for wearing all white all the time. I’d wear sky-high platform stilettos and masses of lipstick that’s not quite the right shade for me, and I’d never be seen in public without either. I’d develop a strong Essex accent overnight and be calling everyone “luv” by Thursday.