I only came on here to give someone my discord, originally I just wanted to leave this, but I've seen it circulate a fair amount too, and with that a lot of misconceptions and straight-up lies. I am tired of the unsolicited messages on my other socials talking about this or trying to accuse me of things. I'm going to address the things I've seen circulating here, but if you want a simple and short answer, then no, this is not just because of a breakup.

If you want the longer answer, then sorry for how much you're gonna have to read through WWWWW I will try and keep it as concise and straightforward as possible. Additionally, I had help writing this and reviewing it before posting it, just for clarity's sake. This was not just because of a breakup, and the idea that it is is a gross misrepresentation from someone who knows very little about me or the situation - so little that they still believe that I am someone else entirely that I'm not, grounded in a baseless rumor easily proven false (which I have done) - who took my post, and request for people to ensure I didn't have to see someone on this platform every time I came on that caused me distress to see, as an invitation to comment on not just the situation but on myself as a person, simply because of an entirely different misunderstanding I had already cleared up months ago, but it seems this person just didn't get the memo there. Regardless, it was twisting my experience as a victim to turn it into something to draw even more hurt to me. I am disgusted, but I understand that's not constructive here, so I'll just move on.

This was about my experience being in a relationship with Vesper; the breakup has little to do with it, and if anything, there are messages between me and close friends at the time in which I described how, while I was very upset still, the breakup had also left me with a strange sense of relief that I didn't understand. I understand now why that was.

There is a lot that I still chose to keep private in my post, out of respect for both Vesper and for myself, as there are things nobody needs to know about, and I still plan on keeping that private. It's not needed. With that said, to everybody trying to pry the extremely private stuff either from me or Vesper, quit it. It's weird and creepy.

But okay, here we go, the relationship. As I had mentioned, we used to be close friends before choosing to get in a relationship. Vesper was someone I really trusted and cared for, and over time those feelings became less platonic and more romantic, or at least something close to it. My own feelings are hard to understand precisely for me, but I was sure enough to accept a relationship with her. I did know beforehand that Dahlia was the number one priority and my expectations were set for that, even bringing that up is just a deflection of what I said in my original post, because yes I did know and understand. It has nothing to do with it. While our relationship was good at first, I had occasionally heard vague mentions that Vesper had talked about me behind my back. This made me very paranoid, not just that I was being talked badly about, but that I was doing something wrong as a partner. I often went to her to verify I was not doing anything wrong and that those vague mentions I'd heard were just people trying to get under my skin. She would reassure me that no, I was just fine, it wasn't true and she loved me and I was a good partner and she would never speak about me badly behind my back. I later found out that she just lied to me, she did talk shit behind my back, and fairly frequently too. I was talked about as more of an annoyance than a partner throughout the entire relationship, while to my face she pretended to love me.

The rest I've already mentioned before, and repeating myself feels pointless, so moving on. One of the things I figured out was spoken of behind my back, in a popular public server in this community, was that a friend of mine who has requested to stay anonymous had harassed Vesper when our relationship had begun to decline, and I want to clear this up and say this is entirely made up. Literal fiction. They had one conversation between each other, at my request, that Vesper had expressed being okay with, for my friend to help express things that I could not put into words. During that conversation my friend reassured Vesper multiple times that her intent was not to sound aggressive as she knows she struggles with her tone being misunderstood. Personally, I find it to be a silly argument, but as this is an argument I've seen the other side bring up frequently, I will say that I was, and still am, this friend's FP, and thus she was very protective over me. She had also been there the whole time witnessing firsthand the damage Vesper was causing my mental health, and had an understanding of how serious the issue was becoming. She was not aggressive, but firmly laid it out to Vesper that her behavior towards me was unacceptable and causing me large amounts of distress. At the beginning of this talk, my friend had requested to keep it between them, as she did not want it to become a big deal. Vesper agreed and promised she would not share it with anyone else. She lied, as is a trend for her, and did share it with a server that I still do not know how many people were in, and in the middle of the conversation my friend found out she was talking about it elsewhere. She did become frustrated, in part because Vesper had lied, but mostly because she was seeing how Vesper was not taking my feelings - her partner's feelings (at the time) - seriously at all, and being protective over me, she was upset. Still, she did not harass Vesper, she did not threaten Vesper, she did not say anything to Vesper that Vesper has not said to me. All this said, I find it important to mention that the claim my friend harassed Vesper originated from Eiko, a partner/situationship (shi was referred to as a partner to me, and so I will continue using that for simplicity's sake), but Vesper continued the claim and was definitely an equal part of it. Obviously I have screenshots of it all. I would not namedrop anyone, but Eiko has chosen to involve hirself directly, and is an important part of this story now, so I feel it is okay. Ironically enough, Eiko has a history of harassing this friend hirself, something shy lied about in the same screenshots, even. That isn't my battle, but if someone is a hypocrite and a liar, that's important context. and oh boy does Eiko lie.

a lot of the stuff circulating about this originates from Eiko, and I want to clear that up. Due to my deletion of my original ask, some of these things are lost to time and so I won't argue them from memory as that's just he said she said. but in chronological order of things, let me address it.

"everything coming from you (Vesper) during tjat time-frame was seemingly dismissive, it wasn't just them as they make it seem. They never even attempted to acknowledge that, nor did they attempt to help, to my memory" - this is so far off of anything I said. My issues were not solely that she was being dismissive of me, while that was upsetting she did communicate it with me (albeit it was a fight to get the truth from her, but I'll get back to that), I was understanding and I did frequently offer to help, to which I was turned down. My issue was that Vesper began to put no effort in with me at all, if anything only putting effort in to things like talking behind my back, meanwhile I watched her at least do small gestures for other people. Friends, strangers, partners, whatever. For example - One of (not the only as was claimed by her) the reasons she did not want to speak of me publicly was because of Eiko's jealousy; she frequently brought Eiko and her other partners up, mentioning things she did to meet their needs even on a basic level, while my requests for her to at least try to put a little bit of effort in to not just respond to me with only "mm" and "that's fair" all the time went unfulfilled.

In response to the ask "wait wait okay. so alice (Vesper) had to keep tsubasa a secret from you so you wouldn't kill yourself.... but TSUBASA is the problem here??? what is wrong with you", "IM GIGGLING AT THIS how dare I get seriously and severely attached to someone" - first of all, the primary reason Vesper provided to me as to why she would not speak of me on here was that she was fearful that she would get backlash, as at the time I was getting a lot of hate anons and she didn't want them to go after her too. That being said, the idea of giving me a code name (as she did with all her other partners) was brought up, and she still refused. second of all, your BPD is not my problem, Eiko. While I can respect you and be understanding, pinning your suicidality on my existence is disgusting. If you are genuinely experiencing those struggles, you need to seek professional help, as you are an unhealthy partner to have if you tell your partner you'll kill yourself if they speak of their other partner. Never stopped you from shit talking me anyways though. I am the victim, not your mental health professional. You are literally a stranger to me - recognize and understand your place in my life as such and don't pin such a heavy burden on me. It's inappropriate.

Okay, now the general lie that there was no abuse. okay easy fix. she admitted to it. there is not a debate to be had here, she admitted to it right here. https://postimg.cc/mPYhqR4w and more times after that too. this bridges into my last points too, the lying from Vesper throughout our entire relationship and afterwards, and the lack of accountability.

Vesper is a pathological liar, self admitted, and constantly lied to me about so many things, some important some trivial. Detailing everything would take far too long, but this is just another way Vesper mistreated me. Again, elaborating in depth would take too long and I've already spent enough time on this, so I hope I don't have to; if I do, I have the screenshots anyways just in case.

The lack of accountability - this is the reason I made my original post in the first place, because Vesper had not taken accountability like she claimed. She had told me she would, told me she regretted it so badly, that she would be honest from now on, promised she would never hurt anyone like that again, and as is very important to mention here, in an attempt to take accountability, asked me what she could do to try and make things as right as they could be. My original plan was for her to post my original post on her own retrospring account and be prepared to answer questions about it - immediately after I brought up this idea she deleted both of her retrospring accounts, claiming it was because she "knew she couldn't stop herself from hurting people", and that if she could prevent herself from meeting them it would solve that. I told her I didn't support that mentality, and that my goal was not to isolate her or watch her suffer, but to actually see her take accountability, as her word could not be taken as truth anymore. I did reflect on this idea and told her I changed my mind as it would have felt too cruel to do to her. In the end we settled on her not coming back here.

She broke that promise, she directly opposed the thing she told me she would do to take accountability for everything, and I had had enough of her lies and her as a person. So I made my post, as I said in it, with the understanding that there would still be those that supported her, and those that supported me, but that making this post could drive her supporters away from me, and I could continue to be on this platform without seeing her and constantly being reminded of the pain and abuse. She admitted to it all, and said she would do anything to take accountability for it, so I did not expect her and Eiko to make a huge fuss of defending the behavior. I've seen people saying I should have kept this private - I tried to, every time I thought it was resolved in private I would get the truth a couple of days later that no it wasn't and Vesper had just lied to me yet again.

This is all I have left to say unless anyone with non-harmful intentions has any constructive questions to ask me, though I probably won't answer on here. I hope it's enough to show that no, it is not just because of a breakup, and that this has been severely misrepresented. I hope the people misrepresenting it can reflect on themselves and understand where they went wrong here - my post wasn't an invitation for you to harass me, invade my privacy, and scrutinize whether I was a perfect victim for your narrative or not based on how much you dislike me. I just wanted my space to be a peaceful one. Thank you for the great example on why emotional abuse victims are afraid to speak out, I'm sure people can learn from it. That's all. Goodnight.

THANK YOU!! To be entirely honest I’m not all that proud of it as it’s very very simple, but I was struggling to find any art I could use as the base for it that wasn’t limiting.. it turned out okay enough though I think!!

Right now I’m playing through Pokémon White!! I’ve decided to write little notes in a journal about my thoughts while I’m playing, so I can have it all organized and ready to go whenever someone asks me how my feelings about it are (mostly because when I was playing Emerald and got asked about how it was going, I’d often forget entire areas and then send 15 texts instead of one cuz I’d go “oh wait I remembered” WWWWW).. and on that note, I just passed Skyarrow Bridge!! This new city is so cool.. and the music in this game has no right to be as good as it is!! I’m sure I’m going to get lost here though, I think I already am maybe.. oh, and I’m doing it as a nuzlocke, cuz someone very important to me suggested the games are more fun that way!!
Aside from Pokémon autism.. I’m hungry right now.. but I don’t really have anything in the house I feel like eating anymore.. I’ll need to do groceries again but I’m lazy!!

sorry for answering twice I am struggling with my sleepiness and hit answer way too early

HEX MANIAC HEX MANIAC HEX MANIAC SHE’S SO MEEE and so puppy look at her you can’t say she’s not puppy..

““Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.” - hope is the thing with feathers, emily dickinson

POKÉMON!! I think I’m fixated really hard right now.. I JUST FINISHED EMERALD but now I want to play Black/White and their sequels.. I don’t know what to pick as I don’t actually know the differences between the two of them!! all of this is my first ever experience with Pokémon so.. yay!!

all that is on my mind is that wow I really do not want to get out of bed and go to school WWWWW I’m sleepyyyyyyy let a puppy sleepppp it’s literally lesbian visibility week I should be allowed to skip I think..

no reading cuz I don’t have my deck with me!! sorry.. another time though!!

I’m late and also a bit high sordy wwwwww

ummmm my brain is kind of mush right now but one of my favorite characters is Seele from Honkai Impact 3rd!!

and for this one a friend I can’t name.. I love her a lot and I’m always grateful she’s my friend.. she’s always there for me even when she’s struggling too, and I know if nobody has my back she’ll still be there. I’m very sorry to her for the trouble I’ve caused her.. and I’m also very sorry to her for getting her friends angry with her.. but I’m really grateful for her and it meant a lot when she said that she wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who hurt me anyways so it was okay. she’s really loyal and caring and generous when she can be, but I also know how much she struggles, and I want her to know I’m always there for her too!! Thank you number one fan of a character who’s name starts with C wwwww

hi guys!! I’m back.. kind of!!
I was unfortunately in the hospital.. but I’m home and safe and sound now!! I have been home for a bit now actually, I just didn’t feel like being on here, so I let my friend have the account for a bit..
all that being said.. I don’t feel like this has been great for my mental health, and part of that is definitely the crazy weird anons I get.. so I’ve turned anon off now, sorry to anyone that does use it responsibly!! and to those dragging me into unnecessary drama, you need to log off oh my god.. you’re 17 go look at job applications and do your homework
that’s all really.. just an update. I won’t be on here as much and my anons are off now!!