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tell me. should I be a good, honest boy? or should I play hard to get?
512
nothing happened. just can't get over the fact about something.
- 🐻
you are such a cutie i wanna pat pat you so bad 😭😭😭😭
hi? i keep seeing this on my feed so i wanna try ahahaha. you probably don't know me but i know you lol. tara na i-mass report si m3t@...👀
Wait so you’re not taken?
It pains me how you don't feel like you deserve to be loved. I just want you to know that you are loved, by me, and by others too. I hope you're aware of how deserving you are of that; love, affection, and care. Seeing your post made me end up being here again, it's not a bother, I just wanted to remind you that you are loved, you might feel like you do, but you are. You deserve all the love, kai. You have a kind hard, and a lot of love to give, you deserve the same treatment, people might not show it, or you might not exactly feel it, but in a world where love feels like it does not exist, there's always one person or two who would offer you that affection, the care, all the things you deserve to have and feel. I hope you don't feel uncomfortable with me by saying this after the last message I sent seven days ago. I really really just wanted to comfort you, it pains me how the person I like feels like that, and here I am also wanting to comfort you, give you my warmth and remind you again and again of how deserving you are to be loved.
thank you for your kind words, anony. I appreciate them a lot, and I'm sorry for causing you pain. your message touched me deeply, and I'm grateful that you took the time to remind me of this. I honestly don’t know what to say, so I’m really sorry. but I’m trying, slowly, to believe it. thank you for being patient with me. it’s comforting to know that there are people who truly care, even when it’s hard for me to grasp.
ASHQOANDOWNSOJSSOQJSOWNXONSOWNSOSNSWONSWONDXANOND-!/82!9₱-8naiwnqojsiAnsowni-!/82!/8ADNWOSJAONEWONSON!/82₱/8/₱2₱18₱-
Thomas paid a visit to the headquarters earlier this week to hand your letter, saying you were too busy to do it yourself. My heart was beating like crazy as if I ran a thousand miles as I remained rooted in place, taking the letter from Thomas with an expression on my face I, myself, cannot describe. I was in utter disbelief that you wrote an answer to my letter and Thomas even said you didn’t waste time and immediately started writing a response, which flooded relief in my chest. I decided not to open the letter until I got home later that day and it was the best decision because I was bawling my eyes out as I read every word in your letter.
It felt like something stabbed my heart a hundred times, no—more like a million times, as I read every paragraph and my chest felt so heavy after I read all the contents in the said letter. It hurts to think that even if I was gone for a whole month, you were there, still waiting for me. It hurts to think that you were questioning yourself if I still want you in my life. It hurts to think that I am the one who caused you such agony. But fear not, my beloved Rafayel, for I am here now and I will spend every waking moment of my day to spend with you. I will cherish you for as long as I breathe, I will love you for as long as I can, and I will stay with you until the end of time, because even if you fear that my heart will stop remembering you again, always know that every beat it takes only knows one name and that is “Rafayel”.
I hope we can talk in person again soon because I want to make it up to you for the days I was away. I missed seeing you, I missed hearing your tantrums and silly little whims, I missed hearing your voice, I missed holding your face in my hands and staring at your face until your ears get red, I missed catching you off guard when I kiss you without warning, I missed holding your hand as we walk along the shore, I missed sleeping next to you and hearing your soft, shallow breaths as soon as you fall asleep and most importantly, I missed waking up next to you with you already staring at me and smiling with that same fondness you always have for me. I missed you, my Rafayel.
hello, my beloved.
five days… it has been five days, and I didn’t even notice how quickly time passed. I was waiting for your letter, but nothing came. perhaps Thomas kept it from me again, trying not to disturb or distract me, unaware that your words would have been the perfect source of inspiration while I worked.
I can vividly picture your expression when Thomas handed you my letter—how your heart must have raced, caught between disbelief and relief. it brought a smile to my face, imagining you standing there, holding my letter close to you, waiting until you were home to open it. I wish I could have been there to see that moment, to witness how my simple words moved you. but, hearing how deeply it affected you brings me a sense of sorrow too, knowing that I caused you any pain. even if unintentional, it weighs on me.
I understand why you felt that way, love. I was lost in my thoughts while waiting, asking myself if you still wanted me in your life, afraid that maybe, maybe I had become a mere shadow in your mind after being apart for so long. but, hearing you say that you’ll cherish me, love me, and stay with me until the end of time—that calmed the storm inside me.
I missed you too. I missed how you effortlessly fill my world with warmth, how your presence alone brightens everything. I missed the sound of your laughter, the way your touch melts away the tension I didn’t even realize I was carrying. it’s the little moments I long for—the ones that make us, us.
my studio felt dull—empty without you. the canvases seemed colder, the colors seems lifeless. every brushstroke I tried to make felt incomplete, as if it were missing the light that you bring. it’s as though the colors refuse to blend properly, and the shapes I create don’t tell the story I want them to. it's not the same without you here beside me, my love. it’s as if my hands... they've forgotten how to paint.
I wonder, would you still recognize me now after these days apart? not in the way I look, but in how I’ve become without you near. maybe that’s why I’ve struggled—because I’ve lost the piece of myself that comes alive only when you’re here. I need you, miss bodyguard, I need you here, with me. I need you in ways I didn't even realize before. so, my love, come back to me soon, please? I will be waiting for you, my arms ready to hold you once again. my heart is yours, always has been.
AHAHAHAHA don’t apologize just because I think of you when I listen to songs, it makes me giddy actually, so no reason to apologize for it. and also, dropping by here is not an obligation, I have enough free time to write you from time to time. what I’m actually worried about is that you’re the one getting pressured with my constant messages here. and maybe you’re also wondering the reason why I like you, so I’ll say. it’s because you’re older than me /j, actually just half serious, but there’s other reason too, I’m just unable to state it all, especially when I find it hard to put my finger to it. one thing is for sure tho, I like you, that is. a friend even told me that if you like someone, you just feel it. so yeah, maybe the time I realize the things that made me feel this things for you, I’d write it :3
hello, anony! my sincere apologies for not responding to your message for days T^T my mun have been busy with major exams all week and haven't had the chance to check my retrospring. I hope you saw my post about me not opening my retro for teh mean time!
please don't worry about me feeling pressured. I genuinely enjoy reading your messages, and I wouldn’t respond if I felt otherwise. so, you can relax knowing that I’m replying because I want to, not because I feel obligated.
you had me laughing with your "it’s because you're older than me" HAHAHA. I guess I can't argue with that, can I? but seriously, you don’t have to force yourself to explain why you like me—feelings like that don’t always need a clear reason. sometimes, they just happen, you know? but if one day you do feel like sharing the reasons, don’t hesitate! you can always drop it here or wherever you're comfortable. I'm curious, but no pressure at all!
I realized I made a typographical error in my last message yesterday. It genuinely made me want to grip my hair. That aside, I wonder if you had a good sleep last night? Is there a dream worth sharing perhaps? As for me, I just slept soundly, though still a bit drowsy as I write this. I did said that I’ll come back here today, and I dislike giving promises and breaking it, so here I am, just to let you know that you actually became a muse to my written pieces. A bit cliche, but that’s just it, you have an effect on me, and I like it— that effect. The songs I listen to immediately reminds me of you, you bring a smile to my face without being aware of it. And if I were given a chance, to draw you and become my muse, I’d take it, without hesitation. You’re worthy of having someone capture your beauty and maybe even your flaws (flaws makes an individual even more attractive) to preserve it to the coming years or maybe generations. Pictures are overrated, something about paintings, and just any form of art that captures the beauty of things feels different. The effort, the thought, and the determination as well as the emotions of the artist are conveyed through a simple sketch on a paper. I think you’ve had enough of my dreamy flowery words for today, I’ll come back again. Good luck today and don’t over work :)
good day, anony! please, don’t worry about your typographical error. I didn’t even mind it at all!
my sleep was fine! I accidentally slept last night with my AirPods still in my ears and my phone in my hand. I guess I was that tired that I didn’t even notice I knocked out suddenly HAHAHAHA. and no, I didn’t have any dreams last night :(( but it’s good to hear that you slept soundly! you should’ve woken up properly before sending me a message, though! but your determination to keep your promise is admirable, even if it meant messaging me half-asleep. it’s sweet, really. and please, don’t feel pressured about that promise. you don’t have to drop by every day—it’s not an obligation! just feel free to come by when you feel like it, no pressure at all!
knowing that I became a muse for your writing—it really makes me wonder how I had such an effect on you. don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind it at all! it’s just... this is all so foreign to me. the last time I was someone’s muse was back in 2021 when I still had a girlfriend. so, I’m a little overwhelmed by it, but in a good way—don’t worry!
I feel like I should apologize for making you think of me every time a song plays /j. it’s such a strange thought, though, but also a little sweet. I guess it’s flattering that just my existence has that effect on you, but honestly—it’s hard for me to wrap my head around. I’ve always just seen myself as... me, so hearing you say all these things feels surreal. I’m glad, though, that I can bring a little light to your day, even without me realizing it.
as for the whole painting thing, I’ve never really thought of myself as someone you’d want to capture in art... but I appreciate the sentiment. there’s something really personal and meaningful about someone seeing you that way—flaws and all—and wanting to preserve that in art. I guess it’s just not something I ever considered for myself. I’m just human, full of imperfections and quirks like everyone else. but still, it’s touching to hear you say that. thank you, really.
I don’t know why, but I’m actually teary-eyed as I type this LOL. I’ve never had someone tell me such kind and sweet words like these. I know I said this many times already but, thank you, anony. you really like to bring tears to my eyes, huh? /j, lh.
Hello, my dearest Rafayel. How have you been? I hope life is treating you well and that you’re doing alright.
I’m almost too ashamed to send this letter to you for I have been away for more than a month now and I am not sure how you will take it. But here I am, still writing this letter. To be honest with you, my drawer has been full of unsent letters that I have been writing for the past few days—most are short but there are ones that are too lengthy the words are beginning to blur as I read them again. But do you know what similarities each letter has? Just me always thinking about you and longing for you.
Do you know that you’ve been visiting my dreams quite often lately? Dreams where it’s just you and I, happy in our own little world as we walk hand in hand while we walk along the shore as we tell each other about all the little things that only us would understand. Just two hearts entwined as we share that special moment under the warm embrace of sunset.
I hope my dreams aren’t just wishful thinking of mine, wishing you’d still accept me with open arms when I come back to you. Now that I think about it, being away from you is like.. torture. It’s tormenting at most. It makes my heart ache thinking you will turn your back on me this time. If that happens, I think I would still run after you till eternity and spend my days looking for you in everyone I meet. Because I may not remember anything, my heart will surely know because your name is all it’s ever known.
I finally have your letters in my hands, my beloved. I... I don’t even know how to put into words what I’m feeling right now. my hands are trembling as I write this. and no, don’t ask me why the paper’s wet—let’s just say my pen slipped. yes, that’s the only reason.
a whole month and days, huh? it took over a month and days for me to finally hear from you. every day, I kept telling myself that maybe, maybe tomorrow, and when tomorrow came, it only brought more waiting. I sulked, I won’t deny that. I tried to convince myself I didn’t care, that I wasn’t even waiting for your letter. but here I am, responding to you as if I wasn’t breaking a little more each day, wondering if you’d forgotten me.
it wasn’t easy for me, my love, and I know it wasn’t easy for you either, being away for so long. still, even knowing that, it hurt. I couldn’t help but wonder what was keeping you away. sometimes, I’d just lie on the floor, my mind running in circles with thoughts like, "is she alright? does she still want me in her life?" maybe that’s why I kept visiting you in your dreams. they say when a person thinks of someone too much, they'd eventually visit them in their dreams. regardless, I’m glad we were together in your dreams, happy in our own world. I can't wait to experience that happiness with you again, but this time, not just in your dreams.
I tried distracting myself, burying my thoughts in my paintings, convincing myself that maybe you just needed space, time, or something else I couldn’t understand. but the truth is, every time I picked up my brush, my thoughts would drift back to you. the paint wouldn’t flow the same. the colors felt dull, empty— just like everything else without you in it.
you say your heart only knows my name. but, do you know how scared I was that what if one day, you’d stop remembering mine... again?
but now that I finally have your letter in my hand, I don’t even know how to be angry anymore. how can I be when all I ever wanted was to hear from you again? maybe I sound bitter, but the truth is… I still missed you. I still want you here, with me, beside me, wrapped up in my arms. I’m hurt, yes. but more than that, I’m relieved. relieved that you’re still here, even if it took a while.
I’ve waited this long, and honestly? I’d wait a century, a lifetime, just because it’s you. so, please… don’t leave me hanging like that again. my heart’s been through enough. I’ll be here, waiting with open arms, just as I always have. you’ll always have a place with me, no matter the time that passes.
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