I do want to offer more clarity on this situation since people are confused from zine team’s announcement, which wasn’t very clear on what happened.

The mod team did struggle to contact me during the month of February (from February 16th onwards technically I was MIA) and it was at on March 2nd that I was asked to step down and either stay as an intern or leave the project. I chose the latter, believing it was the best choice for both me and the entire project that I step away when I was incapable of even coming online. These were written in my reply to them, and while I didn’t elaborate, it was implied that I was not in a well state at the time. I apologized to them for disappointing the team with my behavior, thanked them for their work and the undeserved opportunity they offered and told them I would try to respond if there were any further issues. They responded by thanking me for informing their decision and told me that since there was significant changes in the mod team, they would need announce it publicly for transparency sake before wishing me the best moving forward. I didn’t object to there being a public announcement, I think it makes sense for people to know that the project was no longer managed by me, and I knew I fucked up. No excuses there.

No one contacted me after that for anything related to the zine. They didn’t ask me if I really was planning on hosting that panel either before announcing it as fact. I was talking to two of the mods about non-zine related things this week when I finally tried to make a return online, so there was the opportunity to ask instead of assuming. I’m not upset from there being a public announcement, it’s the words used and the actions afterwards that upset me the most.

I’ve already contacted the team member that drafted the announcement, but we didn’t have a productive conversation. I’m still sorting through my own thoughts on the matter too, but I don’t think I’ll bring up the issue on my account anymore after this. If this is the consequence they want me to pay for betraying their trust, then so be it. Thank you to everyone who sent messages of support to me yesterday, I really appreciated them even if I won’t be replying directly to avoid spamming the timeline. To everyone that saw this opportunity to kick me for one reason or another, I hope you’re satisfied and can move onto better things.

Thank you for listening.

hi anon, i dont believe i need to share all my personal struggles especially with both my physical health and mental health to prove i stepped down for those reasons. i don’t deny that i was indeed incapable and the other mods had to step in to save the project because that was indeed what happened, and i feel very grateful and indebted to them for doing so. if that wasn’t the case, why would i step down? i care deeply about the travel zine still, and i feel guilty and sad i couldn’t stay present enough to continue overseeing it.

i joke that i don’t have a filter online a lot and overshare, but the persona i share with the public internet is very curated from my true self. i also never share all the more worrisome and ugly details with even friends when i do reach out for help. i dont feel at all comfortable sharing any part of that month long disappearance on here.

honestly even now being online and trying to force myself to be normal is a work in progress, but im desperate to somehow force myself into feeling normal again. maybe this will finally have me productive and pull myself together, or maybe it won’t. i don’t know.

i do know i’ve disappointed you, and everyone involved in the zine. i’m disappointed in myself too. sorry. please support the zine when it releases.