You said and I quote "paraphilias are not a choice but acting on them is and i am capable of making that conscious choice not to act on them" then just confessed to grooming and having intention to rape your partner. I do not fucking care if you said that with humor or even sarcasm that wasn't funny and who even jokes about doing vile stuff like that. Your "coping mechanism" literally made you become a pedophile how are you still defending yourself... What's not clicking? Are you so terminally online and surrounded by creeps like you that you think this type of behavior is normal? How are you not aware of the potential danger you've become? Get help. You've said in the past your therapist told you your fanfics were fine, have you told your therapist you actively encourage your partner to cut themselves? That you find rape, incest, grooming and abuse arousing? That you like little kids? Have you told them that? Do you actually want to get better? Or are you fine with being such a vile and horrendous human being? I want you to get better. No one deserves to be abused. No one deserves to go through what you did. You deserve to heal, but you're just digging your own grave. Do you really think this is helping you process your trauma? Do you really think this is okay? Get help please. Maybe you can change. Maybe you can find it in yourself to be a better person. I hope you do

Calling outright abusive behavior "between us" is really fucked up. Not to mention, combined with your pedophilia and the fact that you're already okay with sexualizing minors, you really are going to end up grooming or raping someone. The fact that you cannot see the warning signs horrifies me. But as I've already said, I can't talk to anyone unwilling to listen, and this is seeming pretty damn bleak. I only hope that you see how messed up you are soon or are forced far away from anyone else you could hurt. Goodbye, I guess.

It's not like essays show major commitment. Why do you want a name? Genuinely asking.

And now you're just being inconsistent. Went from "toddlercon is no longer a squick" to "I realized it doesn't matter" then to "it never mattered." Even so, that doesn't change anything I said. Again, reread if you must, but your view on toddlercon changing to anything less negative is the exact problem I was talking about. Regardless of whether it went from "squick to fine" or "fine to attractive", that's still the exact progression I was talking about. I never claimed to know everything about you, but you seem to be dead-set on that assumption. I'm going off of the information I've been given. I say this BECAUSE I don't know you. It goes beyond "I just know" when your own actions already line up with the point I'm making
Art imitates real life. You can acknowledge it as fiction while still knowing it's the image of a child. We're able to understand pixels on a screen as the imitation of an image. Art of a child is still the concept of a child. If that wasn't the case, you wouldn't be calling it lolicon in the first place. You do because you can understand what it's meant to imitate.
It's both revolting and morally wrong. Sexualizing minors in front of minors makes them feel unsafe, uncomfortable, and objectified. There's a huge difference between having a kink and projecting it onto others. People with exhibition kinks are not wrong because of their kink, they're wrong when they expose themselves in public. The fact that I need to explain this is a problem in itself. And if you're already willing to sexualize minors, I wouldn't put grooming past you if you continue down this route.
I can't tell you how to cope, but I can tell you that this definitely isn't the way. I don't need to know everything about someone's life to tell them "smoking is unhealthy for you. You need other ways to cope."
I'm tackling the issue that I actually know about. I'm not in your DMs, and as you keep repeating, I do not personally know you. Obviously I would say something if I knew the people harassing you. But I'm not talking about them right now, I'm talking about you. Empathy should not have to be earned. It can be taken away, yes, but it shouldn't immediately have to be earned. And people are much less inclined to want you to suffer when you don't jump to doing and saying horrific things to them. Take that as you will. If not for others, then for yourself.
And do consider the fact that you seem like an actual threat to those around you... I mean, looking in some of these answers, you're an amoral pedophile who weaponizes suicidal tendencies and encourages your partner to cut themselves. Again, I don't know you, I can only assume off of what you've said. But that alone is more than enough to warrant a call to parents or authorities. Obviously not threatening rape or doxxing, but I wouldn't fault anyone for matching your same cruelty in words or trying to alert someone else of your behavior.

Well I'm certainly not desperate enough to give you a name. Knowing you, that's just about asking to be harassed. You can already tell which one of the inboxes are me, so I don't see the point if you're not planning to.
I can't get an exact source for you. There's not a lot of research on this topic, even less concrete statistics, and opinions are generally mixed and/or based on personal account. I can only go off of the information that I already know or have been presented. And as far as I'm concerned, if you're displaying warning signs that I've seen, heard, and personally experienced, then that's a telltale sign something's wrong. Especially considering how young you are.
You're still missing the point with the toddlercon. "I just made Ciel smaller and realized it doesn't matter." The fact that it no longer matters to you IS the problem. I don't need to repeat myself on why, and I'm sure you don't want to hear it again either. Fiction can influence reality. Not to the extent that some might claim, but it still does; especially when you already have concerning behavior. Fictional images associate themselves with real behaviors and feelings. We interpret drawings as concepts we already know. With that, the more you engage in a subject associated with pleasure, the further you tend to go in search of that pleasure. Do you see where I'm going with this? By engaging in lolicon, you're connecting the image of children to the concept of arousal. Oftentimes that ends in attempts to replicate that pleasure in real life. And before you jump to conclusions, no, that is not me saying that's how it goes 100% of the time. What I AM saying is that it's a very real possibility. One that's much better to acknowledge than to ignore. Seriously, get better coping mechanisms. Obviously that's much harder than that one sentence implies, but you get the point. If not, I'd highly suggest you at least stop making weird comments about children around minors. That shit's revolting.

By the way, mutual empathy makes life a whole lot less miserable. Not dwelling on that because it's not the point, but I thought I should mention it. I don't expect you to feel everybody's pain after you've been hurt, but some basic human decency would go a long way.

You don't understand anything I said. For one, I never said where your paraphilia came from. I said that they are not suddenly acquired. Go figure, getting a paraphilia as a result of rape is not suddenly acquiring it. But the point that I was focused on is that paraphilias can develop based on the content you choose to consume. As in, regardless of origin, lolicon is making it WORSE.
The point I was making with the toddlercon is that the very fact that you're no longer averse to it proves my point. The further you go into that rabbit hole, the more you're okay with, the more extreme you get. You not knowing/realizing that is either a lack of self-awareness, or a sign that you're projecting when you say I "don't know shit about paraphilias to begin with."
And no, I was not "bitching about my suicide attempts", I was sharing a personal anecdote as an example. Since we're on an inherently dark topic I figured it wouldn't be too vent-y or off theme--I was wrong, I probably should've made a better example. I apologize for that. Either way, you shouldn't be saying that shit to people. You'd think a victim of trauma would be a little more empathetic towards the depressed. I'm alright, but if I wasn't? Jesus christ.

You're dancing around the point. You rely on emotional insults and garnering sympathy because you can't argue a word of what I said. Reality is hard to accept so you just avoid confronting it. That's... Not a good thing. Once again, please, just listen for a second. Reread if you must. Nothing I can say means anything to someone unwilling to receive it, just as me being willing to receive yours means nothing if you're unwilling to explain.

Regardless of your pedophilia's origins, the lolicon you consume has made it worse. You yourself said that extreme toddlercon was no longer a "squick" for you. You know why? Because you keep moving to more and more extreme material. It's exactly the thing I'm trying to warn against. You are going to hurt someone if you continue down this route. You're going to cause someone the same trauma that you yourself have had to endure. Genuinely, do you want that? For the love of god, can you just listen and honestly consider what people are saying before jumping to "I was raped, go kys"? The world isn't out for you, Angel. Some people are just genuinely concerned and want to prevent more damage from being done.