Um this Activated me and I may have written 1445 words about it in a mad frenzy.

wagh 😭 thinking about Martin and Tim hooking up on and off from s1 onward… how the tone changes from fun and sweet to angsty and a bit aggressive, and by the end they’re both clearly using it as an outlet to hurt themselves or at the very least get out of their heads…

Martin finds out he’s pregnant before the Unknowing and thinks about telling Tim, but when he goes to the Institute to do so he runs into Jon instead (who he may or may not have been Imagining whenever he’s with Tim) and they end up sharing a chaste teary kiss and Jon saying he’ll take Martin out for dinner if he survives this. Martin feels like shit agreeing while knowing he’s carrying another man’s baby, but he’s been in love with Jon for two years now, and he can’t say no.

He decides not to tell Tim. He was hoping learning there’s a baby might make Tim more careful with his own life but after talking with Jon he realizes Tim is doing worse than he thought and doesn’t want to make him angrier, or worse, have him spill all of his and Martin’s history to Jon. Given all of this, Martin is eaten up with guilt when Tim dies, even though they haven’t said more than a few words to each other in nearly a year.

However this means Martin is several months along when Peter comes around so he agrees to work for him but doesn’t fall as deeply into the Lonely. He doesn’t end up coming back after his paternal leave so he’s nowhere to be seen when Jon wakes up. When Martin opens the door with the baby in his arms and sees Jon standing there he just kind of wants to die at the look on Jon’s face, shocked and maybe even betrayed but SAD more than anything. He invites Jon in fully expected to be dressed down but Jon’s wet-kitten timid demeanor just makes him feel worse.

It’s only feeling like he has nothing left to lose that makes Martin say, bursting out of him after a few stilted minutes of small talk, “It was you, Jon, it’s always been you, okay? I was just too much of a coward, and- I did love Tim-” Jon flinches, and Martin doesn’t know if it’s the words or the fact that he’s sobbed them out, “-but as a friend, you know? A- my best friend, maybe, and- fuck, I’m such a- I’m awful, I never even told him- cause I knew! I knew when we said goodbye and I just let you think- and I didn’t-!”

“Martin, Martin, Martin.” Suddenly Jon is on the couch next to him and he keeps saying his name soft and so /loving/ and Martin’s crying and now the baby’s crying but Jon’s still there so timidly touching Martin’s shoulder. “Martin you didn’t- owe me that. I- after how I treated you-”

“You haven’t- it wasn’t like that anymore.”

“Maybe I wasn’t a-a-a- a raging prick to you anymore, but I- I pushed you away. You tried to help and I-I- of course you wouldn’t feel comfortable telling me that you…” He trails off, staring at the baby like he’s really just noticing them for the first time. Martin’s settled them a bit, though they still fuss and paw at his shirt.

“Sorry, um- I think they’re hungry, do you mind-?”

“No, no, not at all. Y-you- yes. Do what you must.” Jon tries to smile with that, but it’s such a sad attempt that Martin can’t look at him anymore. He focuses on his baby’s face as he picks up a blanket, tugging it just far enough up his shoulder that Jon won’t see anything as he begins to nurse.

An awkward quiet settles. At least, Martin thinks it’s awkward until Jon begins to speak with that tone that means he’s been thinking very deeply.

“You… you were pregnant? When you volunteered to confront Elias?”

Exhaling shakily, Martin nods. He runs a gentle fingertip over the baby’s cheek. “Mm. Yeah. I mean, I… I didn’t think he’d physically hurt me. And even if he did, it… what we were doing was too important.”

Hushed, Jon asks, “Did he hurt you?”

“He… showed me things. About…” How voice wobbles, and he clears his throat. He arranges his child’s wispy curls for a moment before he can go on. “It doesn’t matter. I’m okay.”

Jon scoffs, at which point Martin looks up. Jon’s expression softens, but he still says, “You don’t have to lie to me.”

Martin doesn’t know what to say to that. The silence stretches until Jon says, more timidly,

“When… They said you… when I was in hospital…”

Martin’s throat thickens. “Yeah,” he rasps. “Looked right pathetic, always at your bedside, all- hormonal. Weepy.”

Jon’s eyes gleam. “Martin…”

“Just glad I didn’t really show until late. That would’ve told a story, pregnant man weeping over a- comatose corpse.”

A small, hurt noise comes from Jon’s chest.

“Martin, can- may I hug you?”

A part of Martin, addled by the Lonely and uncomfortable about his postpartum body and the baby at his breast, wants to say no. But the rest of him, aching with years of smothered love, gasps, “Please?”

Jon hugs hard for such a withered man. He throws his arms around Martin’s neck and presses his face against his shoulder. Martin fumbles with the baby, ignoring their plaintive whine as they unlatch, and crushes Jon close in his free arm. He turns his head and, in a mad burst of joy, kisses Jon’s forehead. Jon makes a broken noise. Martin tries to pull back, apologies beginning to curl his tongue, but Jon just squeezes him harder. A hand knots in his hair.

“I love you, too, Martin,” Jon croaks, and Martin gasps a sob. “You know that, don’t you? And I- I understand if things have changed but—“

“They haven’t, Jon, not-not for me. I mean- they have. They very much have, but I still-“ he sniffles, trying not to get snot on the man who is giving him such a gracious second chance. “I still feel the same.”

“God,” Jon groans, and manages to clutch him tighter.

After a while, the baby gets properly fussy, and Martin must end the hug to guide them back to his chest. Once they’re settled again, he looks at Jon. The poor man looks like he’s been dragged through a puddle, bedraggled, cheeks wet, purple under his eyes and red inside them.

“Is it- I understand, if you can’t right now, but, if… I suppose it might be difficult to go out, but my offer still stands, if- if I ordered in some dinner…?”

Martin sobs afresh, but this time he’s smiling, wheezing an awful, disbelieving laugh when he inhales. “Really?”

“Yes,” Jon says gravely. “Yes, of course.”

“I- I don’t know if I’m- it’s kind of a hard time to think about anything serious—“

“Of course. Take your time. And I…” Jon grimaces and looks away for a moment. “I may need some time to, ah. Adjust to the, uh… well. All of it.”

“Yeah, that’s- yeah. Take your time. And I, um. If it… gets too hard, the baby being around, or- that they’re Tim’s,” he swallows, throat still aching around the name, “that’s alright. I get it.”

Jon smiles, though sadness pinches his eyes. “I, uh. I won’t say I find all of this news… easy. But nothing about this- goddamn job has been easy, and- i-if I’m going to do anything difficult— lord, it’ll be nice to do it for something good, for a change.”

Martin laughs wetly. “O-okay. Thank you.”

Jon tsks. “Don’t thank me. Just- tell me where you’d like to order from?”

So, Jon orders food. They have stilted but good conversation while they wait, and Martin has just put the baby down for a nap when the delivery arrives. He and Jon eat on the couch, knees touching occasionally, hands brushing as they reach for sides and try each others’ dishes.

And when Jon asks, timidly, “Do you think I could… hold the baby? Wh-when they wake up?” Martin dares to think things might turn out okay.

(And then they end up being a little family and when 154 comes Jon gouges his eyes out and that makes him no longer Archivist and frees everyone in the archives and they settle down and have two more kids and 3 cats and a dog and when their first kid is old enough they tell them all about Tim and what a good friend he was.)

While I respect your beliefs (points at my coexist bumper sticker) I must expound on them: Martin is very quiet in bed AT FIRST. It takes him a long-ass time, months or a year or more, but eventually the dam cracks and ALL these fucking SOUNDS he’s been keeping in for 30 years just come out. I know we talk about Jon’s Noises on the podcast but we’ve also heard Martin make some . fuckin SOUNDS and you know that has to come out of him in bed eventually. I’m talking high pitched I’m talking squeaky I’m talking whining like a poorly directed porn star. Choosing a random phrase and getting caught and repeating it. Just saying please over and over he doesn’t even have an objective it’s a mantra at this point. yes he will moan “YEAH” at the top of his lungs incessantly, whinier every time and not in a sexy way. He would be humiliated if he realizes the extent to which he takes these things. Jon will never tell <3

Oh jmart cnc makes me insane. I’ve written dom Martin sub Jon but thinking of the reverse, god… in a somewhere else scenario where Jon maintains his connection to the eye this would be. hhhghg. Martin has a lot of complex sexual anxiety and wants to feel like he’s not in control + pain play helps release tension. Jon, supernaturally powerful, wants to express his power on someone willing (and ofc to satisfy Martin). The scene gets really intense with Martin sobbing and begging and struggling, able to fight with his full strength against Jon who is supernaturally stronger than his small size should allow (though, not being at his full strength, it is genuinely a fight to retain control). It’s exhilarating until Martin abruptly gives up, Jon asks his color and it’s green so they keep going, but Martin just laying there quiet and resigned and sniffling is too much like the lonely and Jon starts to hate himself for his continued desire to hold him down and hurt him. Martin is too deep in subspace to actively check on him so Jon just ignores his own feelings and keeps going, spiraling deeper into self-hatred, why does it feel so good to bruise the love of his life, to use his unresponsive body like an object, what’s wrong with him— and suddenly Martin says red, red, and Jon stumbles back and falls shaking to the floor and Martin is with him in moments, wrapping him in a blanket, saying Jon what’s happened what’s wrong you look terrible you weren’t responding to me and Jon just has to sob for a while—his first time since arriving somewhere else. Martin holds him there on the floor for a while, and when Jon finally has wrung himself out, Martin tries to ask what was wrong but Jon can’t talk about it. Through quiet negotiation they end up back in bed, Jon reclining in a nest of pillows with Martin in his lap, slowly riding him, leaning on him, pressure and warmth and soft reassurances that it’s okay. Jon is so exhausted that he falls asleep the moment he comes, and when he wakes a while later Martin is curled around him asleep, and they’re still fitted together, a bit gross and sticky and Jon’s so sensitive but it’s safe. So Jon kisses the hand-shaped bruise he left on Martin’s shoulder, and goes back to sleep.

Oof ouch my heart thinking of a desperate somewhere else moment paralleling a sweet post-lonely safehouse moment… before martin was out of it and vague from the lonely and needed Jon’s help to shower and now Jon is having mental trouble now that he’s split from the eye but Martin’s arm is broken so they’re having to struggle to help each other… Martin saying “Hah, this is familiar, innit?” and Jon vacantly going “Hmm?” because he doesn’t remember at the moment… and Martin is still so angry but he just sighs and gently hands Jon the correct soap and says “Nothing. It’s okay, come on.” and they just gotta keep showering… cause they are Alive and they’re gonna keep going……… fuck me

god i do love both of these a lot. my personal jmart flavor would be them waiting a few months (or several) and then when it happens they’re so so so careful with each other and they both cry a lot ofc… but i do love the thought of them being so shocked and overjoyed to be alive that they can’t think to express it in a way other than like trying to crawl inside each other……… god esp if it’s a bit of a . a hate fuck and Martin tops and about halfway through he realizes he’s hurting Jon and Jon wants it that way bc he’s so guilty and Martin’s like wait wait stop stop. I won’t do this to you I’m angry but I love you. And he pulls out and holds him and kisses him and touches him so gently,, which is almost more torturous for Jon who doesn’t feel like he deserves pleasure right now. And Martin drives him to sobbing just with his hand and murmuring in Jon’s ear that it’s going to be okay