"fanmail account" for Warden Moonstone, overly sexualised Jailer.
Definitely not the King~
Wishes to connect with Empyreal Occultists out there, don't be shy!
Someone answers on Empyrean's behalf!
512
Occultist · 24d
How is your attendant doing? What sort of benefits does he or she get?
"Hello! (つ≧▽≦)つ Attendant speaking! ≽^•⩊•^≼
I receive all kinds of benefits, from cuddle time with the Warden's chest pillows, to getting fresh pancakes with blueberries, made by the Warden himself! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧
Otherwise, I live a pretty regular life as an Aid! I help the Warden use his phone, wash his back in those hard to reach places ≽ܫ≼ and I'm guaranteed a spot in the New Universe! ʕ •ᴥ• ʔ"
- Something gives the impression the Attendant is an Otaku... -
Occultist · 27d
I wanna eat your ass daddy. Come and trap me between your mega jiggling cheeks of glory. <3
"Attendant, you know ass eating is on Sundays, after you've cleaned the Kitchen spotless. What do you mean you weren't asking? . . . . . . . . .
The Agency better pay me double time for this one... Alright, tell the Fan to meet me at the Club. 9pm sharp! I do not play nice with those that dawdle.
Now, where did I put that pectoral lotion for maximum slip and sheen . . . . ."
Occultist · 27d
How gay are you?
"Huh? ... What? Why is someone asking -how- homosexual am I? How can that be measured? Are you sure you're reading that correctly? Once upon a time it meant happiness... Yes, yes, I'm sure that's the question.
I am immensely content. Thank the fan for asking. . . . .
What do you mean they're asking me how big is it? Big is what? My WHO? The heat death of the universe cannot come fast enough. . . . . ."
Occultist · 27d
With hop movements like these Ikea ain't going out of business anytime soon, you're going to be destroying beds and couches all over~
"Attendant, what on the Stars is that comment? Elaborate!
Uh huh. . . Yes? The beds would break . . . What do you mean intercourse? . . . Well... Yes. Yes I do. I fuck very hard! . . . Why would this... Ikea? - Not go out of business? . . . WHAT?! HOOLIGANS! HAND ME THAT DEVICE, I'LL SHOW THEM WHO THEY'RE DEALING WITH!"
The following text couldn't be transmitted due to completely illegible writing and nonsense of symbols.
Occultist · 28d
Hello Empyrean! I have a very in depth question for you.
Did anyone ever tell you the TRAGEDY of Darth Plagueis the Wise?
"Tell them;
'Lo there wanderer. Salutations. Fire away your pistons, I might have an answer for you.'
And then, remark - 'I haven't any idea who this man is, sorry to this man!'
Yes, this will do. Fictional stories are quite entertaining, but I haven't heard of this one. I wonder where I might purchase as such... I'm not seeing any such books on Barns & Stables..."
Occultist · 28d
why u so ugly lol
"Hm? An Occultist called me ugly? This is all intentional and part of the greater plan.
Back when I modelled myself as the perfect predator, people were horrified, scared and ran away screaming. So, I decreed, I needed to make myself as appealing as possible, by utilising obscene parts. Now, nobody runs away from me.
You call it ugliness - I call it no longer being alone.
... ... ... Yeah?! Did I sound wise and bad-ass? Woohoo! I'm... Awesome."
Occultist · 28d
If you can push up more than 100,000, will your hips strong enough to work, squash, and sex 24/7?
"What? That cannot be right, Attendant, what're you saying? I taught you proper eloquence, use your words.
What do you mean it's the question? These Fanmails are getting out of control...
I will endeavour to answer them all! I have no matters of humanoid flesh and no organs! Of course I can do anything I want, twenty five hours of the day!
... ... ... What do you mean there's only twenty four hours in the day?"
Nobodyshouse · 28d
Why your tits so huge cover them up oh my god
<There is a string of plump pectoral shots taken in response to this question, however, it appears Ren is slowly getting closer to the device taking them and doesn't look very happy about the photographs! Until the last one, which shows him off in a classic Herculean pose.
He's a slut.>
Occultist · 28d
I've heard you are a little clumsy sometimes, is that true?
"I've been asked if I'm CLUMSY? Why I never! I have had thousands of years practising all forms of Dance! I have the utmost advanced skillset in any Dance known to Man! In fact, Capoeira is my main martial and favourite form! How dare they?! I'd like to see these punks mix a Pirouette into a Meia Lua!
...Though there is that one time I fell over and became the Husband of an Eldritch God..."
Occultist · 28d
How do you actually read and respond to this text if you're blind, huh?
"Eh? Someone is asking if I'm blind? I'm not blind! This is a myth, a- ...What do you mean it's on the Empypedia? Who put it up on there?! Fine! I'm blind!
... ... ... I have someone writing on my behalf, was this not obvious for you? Are YOU blind? Hmph...
Stop transcribing everything I do or say! You are the worst Stenographer, ever!"
Occultist · 29d
Physical strength, sorry for not specifying ~
"My jaw has the PSI of 57,000.
I can carry an entire Space Colony of Humans without stress.
Ultimately, the physical strength I have is in direct correlation to the emptiness of dead space - Which any scientist knows is near non-existent; Thus am I strong or am I weak? The Cosmos may never know. My strength belies in constriction itself and simply utility endeavours.
What do you mean people are sexualising my brawn? Well! I- I have no idea how to advertise such a thing, Attendant!"
Occultist · 29d
What sort of accomodations do you grant your p̶r̶i̶s̶o̶n̶e̶r̶s̶ guests?
"There is a resort brochure, but fine, I will give the best seminar I can...
The Vacation of Decadence package comes with the follow:
A luxurious, personal quarters.
Unlimited access to the Guest's Bathhouse.
All-Day-All-You-Can-Eat-Buffet.
There are numerous ropes to bell the King - That's me. N-No I'm not your... Personal Butler!
There is even a sex dungeon.
Those who earn ... Credits/Merits from... Using the activities... May find themselves visiting the upper quadrants of the... Resort.
Each specialises in something new. I could spend all day talking about it. I won't.
We, at the ... Resort of Decadence ... Hope you enjoy your stay, should you ever inquire for one..."
Occultist · 29d
Are you strong? How strong would you say?
"Someone wishes to know how strong I am? I suppose that depends on the confines... Strong of will? Strong of brawn? Strong of mind? Which type of strength are they asking about?"
Occultist · 29d
Your favorite food is dragons? You're going to get fat
"What do you mean someone called me fat?! Hand me that device, I'll show them! Hand it over this instant!
Don't you run away from me!
That's IT! No more custard for you! Never again will I read bedtime stories! You are having your cuddle rights revoked!
... ... ... ...
Pfft! This is the sort of thing a Dragon would say! Creatures imprisoned by Science, despite their mythical prowess!"
Occultist · 29d
What would you consider your #1 kink? Something that always makes you cream the most and you feel like you just can't get enough?
"My number one Fetish? I'm not Religious. I respect all cultural... What do you mean that's the wrong word? What are they asking?! Give me that damn phone!
WHAT?! I AM NOT ANSWERING THAT! What do you mean I HAVE to answer it?! Says who?!? I'll throw them in the Dungeon!!
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Negging... It's Negging.
There! Are they satisfied now?!