i really do want to talk about it so please be rest assured that i am not trying to force myself to do anything!!! 💪 just really want to share and cover as much as i can so im hoping that i can conjure more thoughts as i go, but sometimes i cant and so i feel a little sad!! because the things you have to say regarding the topics we go over are valuable and thought-provoking so i find it such a shame whenever im unable to add more onto them because theyre reaaally good... of course, this has always been a fun and engaging discussion throughout for me. i am well aware that i am in under no obligation to 'mirror' length or respond all the time, so whenever i send another essay (written to the best of my ability at the time) into your inbox, it will always be because i wanted to! 🙏

god, yeah, you're right. of course. everything just kinda falls into place like that, huh. because how [wouldn't] the avid performer and entertainer not be an exhibitionist? lol...

but oooh, yeah, i think that that could definitely be it. yuzuru is willing to give eichi whatever it is that he wants, but i suppose that in this context it would all really have to come down to what wataru, the director, wants. so then their disinclination to comply with what eichi wants could be what yuzuru would dare to question. but whatever happens after the fact is history. maybe.

i do believe that any kind of reaction that could be incited from yuzuru is something that wataru really likes to gauge, and obviously it's even more amusing for them when it comes to the ones that would be considered unusual or abnormal for someone as guarded as that silver-tongued butler. like shyness, as mentioned. yuzuru isn't exactly the most bashful person in the world, even if hypothetically he is ordered to be embarrassing. he had no problems reenacting how a whiny, crying, bratty tori would sound like, for one example. and bringing back what wataru said in fist of the shangri-la idol that i'd mentioned a couple responses ago about how yuzuru would be able to play that ridiculous role eichi suggested for laughs without feeling any ounce of shame—so long as he is ordered to do it. so yeah. shy yuzuru. not a very common yuzuru that we get, i think. wataru could have fun with that.

and, yes... we'll see!!!!! hope you have the absolute greatest time with your boyfriend in november!!!

HI AGAINNN. wtyz essay person here. it's been (checks notes) three days since my last response. so sorry.

i do not doubt you on that information!! the whole pain-pleasure thing sounds like a topic that eichi would bring up and have a conversation about, whether it be to himself, or to keito, or anyone else really. i think it's also so cool that you've been applying what you've studied for psych into your interests. props to you. i'm sure that that's proven to be lots of fun...

also YEAH!!!! gang is popular because of, like, yuzuru (and ibara) backstory!!! and everything about it in general is honestly just SO good for fushimi yuzuru. but also that blatant display of yuzuru's more 'deranged' side and even outright addressing that he feels SO thrilled in the face of danger (both by mika and by himself) is sooo. he fancies the adrenaline that the risk and precariousness of a dangerous situation brings him and those feelings of his really aren't afraid to show themselves sometimes. which, again, is especially highlighted in gang.

and yeah ummm, wataru being a voyeur. lol. of course! i think yuzuru would very happily listen to wataru within that context because obviously he would be new to that kind of thing but if there is one thing that he would know for certain as he begins getting into it is that he obviously wants to be Good for them. hearing directly from wataru, someone who yuzuru is aware knows eichi [very] well, helps. i'm torn between the idea of yuzuru just not feeling very bothered by the fact that wataru is basically acting as the "director" to what would be a sex scene for himself and eichi or if he'd be a little, i don't know... shy, or something like that. about being scrutinized while having sex. i think given the fact that it would be an incredibly vulnerable and personal moment that the three of them are sharing helps support the latter idea, though. even if just a tad. also i think yuzuru could maybe challenge wataru's "directing" a little bit. again. whatever that might mean. but it might be TOO bold of him to assume that he might know something better about eichi than wataru does.

BUT YES. you can imagine me nodding along to basically everything that you've said. i'm not entirely sure what else i could contribute to this conversation however i would like to say that i like the way you think——about the yuzuei and watayuzu thing. and your fine reunion au sounds suuuuper compelling, too!! i'm excited to read through that sort of watayuzu -> wataeiyuzu development one day, if i do get the chance to...

that's honestly really cute!! not Quite the same, but i've also met some of my precious friends through commenting on their fics (either on ao3 or through sending anon asks about them)! and yeah, i get it. i generally don't expect anyone to share my hcs, but sometimes people Do, and when it's something that is really personal to me i'm like... awww<3...... truly means a lot.

oh for sure, i think they would have liked to mess around with their hair in general, ribbons were just the first thing that came to mind. i adore eichi's bow in the new card... AND I AGREE WRT THE SCISSORS THING. i think when they make the choice to 'stop playing around' they do chop off their own hair. and it, once again, ends up looking very messy and keito, once again, offers to fix it for them. small moment of comfort before they decide to leave that part of themself behind entirely...

ALSO sorry to butt in on the conversation, but eichi said something about how 'pain is also a form of pleasure' to leo (in 'the king's horseback ride'). i'm not sure if that's the line you were referring to though, and it is quite possible that they've said something similar to keito as well. just thought i'd mention it

eichi is tooooo funny. but also i understand completely; i, too, am incredibly fascinated with what yuzuru is capable of. and i also think that he could and SHOULD show tenshouin eichi just what and how much he can do. 🤍 that thing about pain and pleasure is so crazy, though. but yuzuru is definitely a person who can work with something like that REALLY well, i think. how Lucky of eichi. yuzuru's also pretty good with intimidation, haha, and that's one of the parts of him that's extremely attractive. imo. i think everyone can agree on that, honestly. yuzuru's sheer intensity is captivating and even his in-universe fans could agree on this. when it comes to someone like yuzuru, i think fear and arousal is. yeah. i can see how those two concepts can kinda go hand-in-hand.

ummm. i've been wondering how things would kinda lead up to the first time that they have sex with each other...? in my head i was thinking that maybe wtei have already been Partaking in Bed Activities for awhile and then MAYBE they somehow manage to invite yuzuru in much later on. but it could also happen individually, and then that would pretty much beg the question on who got to fuck yuzuru first between the two of them. SORRY. i guess now i know how it feels when you apologized for explicitness. and also sorry for how short this is.......

I AGREE WITH YOU. it's why i dont really talk about yzei as much, really, like——i find it pretty difficult to talk about them as an individual pairing because, like. they're missing someone. and that person is hibiki wataru. and maybe i might just be biased because i'm less familiar with them but i feel like yzei has kinda had the same sort of dynamic for a long time already and i think that it could eventually exhaust itself. and so a third party is absolutely needed otherwise they'll start causing problems, i think. just like you said.

i've defended yuzuru for picking on eichi in atlantis before because it is pretty funny and eichi has done nearly the exact same thing to him in the past, but by doing so he also kinda gave eichi another thing to be slightly wary about and that's revealed in, like, stella maris——the part where eichi catches himself going "in any case" or "anyways" in front of chiaki and then chiaki denounces yuzuru for making fun of him for it. because it's not a polite or respectful thing to do. yuzuru's name isn't said throughout the whole thing but it's. i mean. it's obviously about him. i did feel a little bit bad after hearing about that but, man.... i can't believe yuzuru was so bored and uninvolved that he started picking on eichi just because. he can't just do that (but he can. and he did).

fushimi yuzuru, of course, is no stranger to playing along with 'roleplaying' a hatefuck dynamic. sorry to briefly bring ibara into this considering her and yuzuru's relationship is unique and the circumstances to what led to them being the way that they are are extremely different from yuzuru's relationship with eichi but they're a pretty good example of a dynamic that yuzuru has with someone where both of them don't actually hate each other but just really fucking love to pretend to. and they could totally absolutely fuck each other about it.

eichi really knows how to get on yuzuru's nerves and he's never been afraid to push his buttons to really get him going, so. yuzuru could and should do something about that... by domming him. i imagine that eichi is also super enamored by yuzuru's bloodlust and would want to purposefully draw that kind of insanity out of him——but i'm not saying that eichi wants yuzuru to kill him, of course. i'm talking more in line with what you said about eichi wanting yuzuru to [hurt] him. and he might be able to get that to happen after a lot of really thorough conversation and then him constantly and unapologetically testing yuzuru's patience.

ANYWAY. yes. so that's eichi and yuzuru.

and then also you have wataru wanting to tear away yuzuru's mask and yuzuru being stubborn about pushing the concept of how nothing lies behind it, yet never actually allowing anyone to really take a look. and he's clearly bullshitting because why keep something secret if hypothetically there should be nothing that comes from revealing it? but yeah, i think that since wataru's trying to take yuzuru apart, yuzuru could take that as a challenge and then try to do the same with wataru in turn. and so it ignites this spirit of competitiveness and 'rivalry' between the two. and wataru feels really competitive with yuzuru sometimes and yuzuru is a competitive person who isn't against taking on a good challenge, so it checks out. basically just what you've said there. it's really good so i apologize for kinda just repeating it in my own words but gosh it's so nice to think about.

yuzuru and wataru are both actors and there's nothing about the roles that they play that they aren't looking to fulfill completely. so two perfectionists dancing around each other trying to basically fuck each other up is soo. urgh. wow. the scenario seriously has my head reeling since it's way too good. i love it when characters try to pick each other apart all the while being super attentive to themselves as to not allow for any faults because it gradually builds tension until it's so thick it's suffocating. so when that tension eventually [snaps], it's like. absolutely fucking Everything.

aww feel free to gush as much as you like, it's lovely to see and i'm happy for you! it really is such a special feeling to know someone you hold so dear has picked up some of your hcs that have personal significance to you :)

and yeah, the new event.....! i quite enjoy several aspects of it, but it was especially fun to me to see eichi having longer hair as a child confirmed because that's been my personal hc for a while. of course that doesn't have to mean anything wrt gender! but it's still nice. i specifically like to hc that eichi was just more comfortable presenting however they wanted to as a child. for social gatherings, they'd still have their hair tied back neatly and stuff. in private, they'd try to tie cute little ribbons into their hair. it ended up looking very messy and keito had to fix it for them and eichi got soo excited over it, it's a memory that's really stuck with him just because of how happy eichi was. but over time they just slipped into a state of denial due to long periods of hospitalization and becoming very disheartened over feeling like they might never get to live life the way they want to anyway so it'd be better to stop 'playing around' and just focus on the goals they want to achieve instead + becoming more aware of the benefits and social power that come with presenting in masculine roles. so they've resigned themself to play those roles, just as they've resigned themself to fulfill their familial obligations, just as they've resigned themself to always play the role of the villain and to be the one that gets left behind. < something that came up in the new event as well...

and, i believe i've shared this one before, i also like to hc that eichi eventually gets inspired by wataru to explore their own gender identity more + with the new event i've been thinking it'd be nice if tori played a part in that as well! though that's not the main thing i want to take away from the new story, of course, because any kind of development between tori & eichi is MUCH needed and very important to me. but, to me, tori is someone who has figured out his own identity pretty early on and expresses it confidently (and in a very gnc way as well), and that could surely lead to some revelations for eichi...!

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME RAMBLING ABOUT THIS A LITTLE... i'm always like 'i just want to mention this one thing' and then i'm like 'wait i need to elaborate more for it to make sense' and then i get too carried away .

the way jamie describes yzei jdfjfjdks yeah. basically! in !-era yuzuru was described to be a "servant with a wicked tongue" and while theyve changed that character profile descriptor for him in !!-era, im glad hes still kept his tongue. he LIKES eichi and has grown to trust him and sincerely wishes to be his companion and follow him everywhere until the end but he also finds a lot of pleasure in making eichi feel or look really fucking stupid, which is something that i would feel more bad about if eichi wasn't constantly making TORI feel or look really fucking stupid.

i enjoy the part in their dynamic where yuzuru doesn't tolerate any of eichi's bullshit despite having recognized him as one of his young masters and whatnot. yuzuru undoubtedly does care deeply for eichi and it's been acknowledged before that he will usually do anything eichi asks of him because that is what he wants to do but that doesn't mean he's going to stop being a piece of shit sometimes. they're a master and a servant but it almost feels like there's no real exertion of power that is being made there. they. honestly most of the time feel like just coworkers who have become very familiarized with each other. and i guess that that is quite literally what they are in technicality. but also they give off the impression that they are a lot more than what they let on and definitely fuck while nobody is looking (well... there IS one person who is allowed to look), so!

power play is so fun and eiwtyz actually pull it off so well and it's so satisfying to think about how they naturally could just push and pull at each other. and it's something that happens already outside of sex which is brilliant.

i don't think yuzuru is generally a fan of punishment either but i think he's been indoctrinated to believe that it is something that is necessary especially given that it is implied that kind of thing was incorporated into his training and learning. and he probably understands that bdsm as a practice does usually include that sort of aspect to it. that could probably come up as a topic of discussion between all three of them and maybe wataru and eichi could help yuzuru unravel that way of thinking a bit during and afterwards.

in the context of "and why would the servant be punished if the master's lacking ability caused his noncompliance" though then godddd Yeah. i think yuzuru has strong opinions about that kind of thing and how they should be done and when it is necessary. since he grew up the way he did. and also he obviously knows when something is his fault and when something isn't so he's definitely unafraid to voice that or continue forward with that stance.

i hope i'm making sense actually i feel like i'm not being comprehensive enough in this

oh, i VERY much enjoy the idea of making wataru squirm. thank you for your tangent, i really enjoyed reading it and having ideas put into my head as i did.

wataru being bad at communicating their thoughts, intentions, and feelings to people properly can be... fun. not for them, maybe, but for yuzuru and eichi Absolutely. it's just as you've said—i believe eichi and yuzuru are rather straightforward people who express themselves pretty much outright and don't necessarily like to beat around the bush, i think... and so they also need people to be straight with them in turn. and then wataru basically having to confront that fact directly within a scenario where they certainly cannot afford to be anything but honest and vulnerable. yes. yeah.

i think yuzuru could definitely have a lot of fun with that if he felt like being a little bit of an ass. as in, teasing them and basically saying that he can't do anything if wataru doesn't completely spell it out for him; because he is acting strictly on orders and if wataru doesn't [give] him them, then there is nothing that he can provide. and that's soooo good, i think. sorta "abusing" (if that's the word) his role as a servant—as someone in servitude—to coax wataru to be more upfront with what they want and everything. so basically sporting an attitude akin to malicious compliance. yuzuru can be really "mean" when he wants to be and i love that for him. like he's always been really annoying with eichi so i think that that kind of thing should also be extended to wataru by default. during sex. because it honestly actually helps, probably.

REALLY GOOD. i agree wholeheartedly!!! consent is so. so fucking sexy.

it's actually such a damn good idea for yuzuru to, like, "take the position of a servant" because he's taking something that was forced upon him and sort of. truly making it his own. and then having the [choice] to play that persona, that role (which he'd never had regarding it before)——i'm sure that that has to be, like, deeply satisfying. therapeutic, even. it is so significant that he has a choice and has control in the way that he is perceived both by himself and by others.

also i LOVE the kinds of scenes where they Talk before they actually Get Into It, actually. i really like it when i get to read a conversation that two characters have where they basically discuss everything and lay out the rules and stuff before they have sex. i think they're really fun and act as such perfect displays of trust between two characters, and it also allows us to see a little bit of their dynamic outside of what happens in bed...

so then once things start happening, you can see the, like. "switch." they're still themselves, of course, but i think when it comes to cases like wataru's and yuzuru's there's totally something that kinda. sparks something inside them. if that makes any sense. especially given that they're both really complicated in terms of... (waves hand) i don't know... [everything]...

it's also basically. an introduction to being vulnerable, if that makes sense. everything about what comes from having that kind of conversation is vulnerable; in a way, they're like. deconstructing the barriers they've put up and the masks they've been wearing of their own accord and laying themselves bare (metaphorically, of course. but it certainly becomes a lot more literal of a phrase later. haha. don't boo at me). they're talking to each other about what they like and what they don't like. what they're comfortable with and what they aren't. how far they're willing to go and what's strictly off-limits. everything, really. i love meaningful and vulnerable conversations. i love it when characters have them.

so having thorough discussion before sex is already a vulnerable task as is——it's like, they're slowly tearing down the walls they've built around each other and then obviously everything truly does just completely crumble once the everything starts and begins to fall into place. like. yeah. too good.

and its fine!!! lol... i agree; that kind of thing is totally right up their alley. incredibly beneficial on both ends...

(this is in response to something you posted a couple days ago but neosprng stopped working and i wasn't sure if you still check this site until you responded to someone else here)

tbh, at least part of why i've started unapologetically using pronoun hcs for characters is in hopes it will inspire other people to do the same (generally, or, at the very least, in conversation with me). some of my gender/pronoun hcs are incredibly dear and personal to me and i can't deny that i'd feel a bit sad or discouraged if people were to ridicule them. but i care about encouraging people to express what's important to them and giving them a safe space to do so more than i care to listen to what people who feel the need to be unnecessarily rude about personal hcs i'm sharing in a relatively small corner of a fandom have to say. this is not meant to dismiss your concerns - i get how you feel, i used to be more nervous about it too - i'm sending this in support! i love they/them wawu! so much. i'm cheering whenever i see you using they/them or alternating between pronouns for wawu (or any other characters, i just know you're especially passionate about wawu)!

"fetishizing his position as a butler"——yes, that, this, everything about this, absolutely.

yuzuru has this thing where he tends to, like, 'offer himself' to others that he decides he will trust and will probably live the rest of his life devoting himself to unless Something Happens and he, of course, Stops. one thing about him i've noticed is that as soon as he fancies someone enough, and if that trust or that feeling builds further and further until it reaches a certain point, then he [will] take every chance to offer all of his services to them.

i think about what yuzuru said to eichi in circus a lot ("from the moment i was placed in fine, my life belonged to you. please use it to your heart's content, as the foundation for your military rule.") and i KNOW that he prefaces it with "from the moment i was placed in fine" which i guess could maybe serve as an indicator that it's only like that because that's just how it should be; because he's a member of fine and eichi is The Leader of fine so "it only makes sense," but i feel like offering something as valuable as his [life] isn't something he would do so lightly to just [anyone] just because they happen to assume a leader position. yuzuru has never in his life been reluctant to setting his boundaries even as a person assuming the role of one who might be "lesser than others"; it took him some time to get comfortable to [really] enthusiastically accept eichi as someone who he would pay no mind devoting himself and his services to.

and i know he kinda does service others he's not too familiar with as well but obviously i think there's much thicker of a barrier that lies there between them and himself so it's not like he'll let just ANYONE fuck him if they asked him to let it happen. or vice versa. it's just typical butler etiquette, really. and also he really likes doing things because he [needs] to lest he feels miserable and restless, so if someone could get him to get moving, that'd be awesome for his psychological wellbeing.

ANYWAY... sorry. i actually don't know why i said this much, i feel like i definitely started treading a different path there for a bit, but. i really just wanted to put a lot of emphasis on yuzuru and his boundaries as someone who is a butler and how they work so that i don't sound TOO insane for suggesting that he could 'offer himself (his body)' to wataei for stuff like sex, um. basically he only does those things if he wants to and he trusts them enough. so there's absolutely nothing dubious about it. i'm just playing into that thing you said about yuzuru letting himself "lose himself" to a submissive role...

(this could probably act as a tl;dr) i feel like the concept of butlers who will do anything for you CAN and HAS been sexualized a lot in the past so it's definitely not farfetched to think that yuzuru could absolutely work with something like that. he could grant others (cough wataei) sexual favors if he found that he really wished to, and bringing pleasure to others that he likes, in turn, brings him satisfaction. because "taking care of others" is another one of his specialities and something else that he REALLY likes doing.

so yeah. submissive butler yuzuru. it can work really fucking well

sorry. i was so enamored by what you said about yuzuru at the end of your last response there that i ended up really focusing on him in this. i hope you enjoy my research paper on fushimi yuzuru's submissive role in sex as someone who also happens to be born a butler

that is GREAT to know, thank you for answering! please do as you'd like so long as you're comfortable for the next thing i'm about to say regarding the topic of "wataru ship bed activities";

i've been on-and-off thinking about how things in the bedroom would go for watayuzu, because in my head i feel like they can do. a lot. and i honestly believe that when it comes to the two of them and the bedroom, they're both very... flexible (probably in every sense of the word? lol). for positions, i mean. and roles. i think they both seriously could get behind some roleplay, too (duh...)

i feel like yuzuru is primarily the "dom", though. i think. the thing about him is that he's really big on control but can play subservient roles really damn well, and it's not as though he DOESN'T like playing the subservient role, either, so... he's certainly Capable of doing anything, really.

i don't think i really have to "prove" my thought process any further but i LOVE to talk, so i'm going tell you about how there's this part in fist of the shangri-la idol where wataru's like "knowing butler-san, it's guaranteed he'd act in that role without any embarrassment"—which, in context, was about eichi suggesting yuzuru play a role that feels a bit ridiculous for him considering who he is and yuzuru's reaction/response indicated no signs of... disagreement, or whatever. he straight up just goes, "... i shall fulfill my duty if it's an order." and then cue the wataru line i quoted earlier right after.

i GUESS i was just wondering if you've any thoughts in general. i kinda just laid out a few of mine and what's been rotating in my head for awhile. i think they totally switch, but there might be, i don't know, one way of doing things that is usually preferred or something (like, for example, yuzuru topping. or... power bottoming). so anyway... what do you think...