Daniel · 12 answers · 4y
What does it feel like to be depressed?
What does it feel like to be depressed?
As someone already mentioned on here, it manifests itself differently in others so I can only offer my own personal experience. I won't get into why I got depressed but during my last bout with it I was completely bed ridden, I had no energy and sometimes slept well into the evening on multiple consecutive days. I just couldn't get out of bed and always felt tired. It took a lot for me to break that cycle because you can become complacent and it'll last months!
You want it to stop but you don't see any hope. Your world, your life is worth shit.
Get a good measure of thin rope bound around your neck and fix it there, knot a 5kg bag to the end of that rope, so that your head is bowed down. Attach a football in front of your belly and bind it with a piece of cloth firmly to your belly. Connect a rope from the heavy bag over the football belly to your toes. make that rope so short that you are forced to bow down, squeeze the football into your stomach and prevent you from good breathing. Then walk around. It feels silly first, then it causes pain, then it causes headache, short breath, insufficient blood circulation. Imagine that doing to your soul. And there are no weights or rope to remove from your soul. After a few weeks the idea to end it all by means of jumping from a bridge looks lovely.
It feels like someone as sucked out your happiness and made you hyper aware of how sad you make the people you love whenever you're around them. You're not motivated to do anything and you try to make yourself as comfortable as possible not realising its a trap that chokes you out of recovery options. Anti-depressents numb you further and panic attacks make you feel like you're about to die. tl;dr: Wouldn't recommend.
Idk im not sure if I've ever been depressed. Bc its such a hard thing to try and talk about/pinpoint and address even for your own self. And I wouldn't want to mislabel it bc tbh looking at it, it's nothing compared to what pple who have suffered from it have been through. At most i'd probably seem like a lil bitch. You know that saying 'Someone is always going through something much worse than you' which tbh i hate it but maybe there's some truth to it. Though tbh like Slag said, depression is different for everyone so it's not exactly something that can be comparable? So yeah. At best though I think I've been sad just as we all experience sadness at some point. Feeling low af, helpless, worthless, wanting to give up, when you be crying but you dunno wtf set it off and you want to talk to someone about it but you're struggling to even come up with words on how you're really feeling bc you dunno where tf to start. And then ofc the suicidal thoughts so I really dunno man. I just know those are similar feelings shared across the board when it comes to depression and I've felt those but bc I luckily have people around me who are able to pick me up when im down, its not been too prolonged which is why I can't truly say if I was ever depressed bc for me idrk. I see depression as something that's kinda ongoing?
everyone experiences it a lil differently so I can only speak for meself, plus during all the years I've had it it's fluctuated in severity. at its most disruptive, I couldn't stop thinking about wanting to die and ways to die every day, and those were the days I'd self-harm in various ways. in its less disruptive state I am simply disinterested in my usual hobbies, isolated, exhausted, feeling empty af. (these are exacerbated when the depression is more severe.) I fall behind on work often too bc things usually feel pointless
other than that tho, I'm very mentally well
Sometimes it's numbness. Like if someone pinched you with a needle not even a drop of blood would leave your body bc it's empty inside. Desert land. Other times it feels like completely the opposite. You feel like surpassed by so many bad feelings. Sadness, helplessness, loneliness, frustration, negativity, disgust and hate (usually meant to yourself). So basically it's impossible to ignore your will to end all that shit bc it's unbearable to deal with day by day. Then you play them scenarios in your head... Fantasizing (although I'm not sure If i should call this a fantasy) about how to end your life and how everything would be better for you and the rest of ppl around. Bc feeling a burden or a waste is nothing you'd want to feel. But then you lack "bravery". And it all ends (in most of cases) as that, a mere scenario in your head. Sometimes, your anger and your hate to yourself leads you to look for a way to punish you. Call it self harm, food disorders or whatever.
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