Dear Sesya kicik. I know that your childhood was very colorful and filled with playing with your friends almost all the time, but thank you so much for choosing to grow up and survive until now. Maybe Sesya kicik didn't say much about what she felt, kept her feelings to herself, and formed her current mentality. I'm sorry if you've experienced many things that you can't even digest properly related to something that you shouldn't know. So many events have happened in childhood, but your kindergarten period is still much better than elementary school which is full of twists and turns of pain and never forgotten. Maybe you still can't forget it until now, right? It is understood that making peace with your own feelings or the past is very difficult, especially accepting everything that has happened. It's okay if Sesya kicik still likes to be sad and remember it, maybe it still takes time to forgive about the past. Sorry, because those unpleasant things are destroying your achievements and feelings, yaa? Sesya kicik probably can't deny that her worries are still much bigger. I'm sorry that all this time you've been keeping it to yourself and carrying burdens that you shouldn't be thinking about alone, or accepting things that make you feel sad. But, Sesya kicik is still a great and strong kid!

dear my child version, how is it? i bet you're having much fun to have a lot of people around you. you live in a life that everyone could ever dreamed of. very much a spoiled kid i would say. but guess what? you need to prepare for the worst. you will face a lot of challenges that you could never talk about it to anyone, including your closest friends or even family. it will be just you, alone, in this crowded world. unfair, isn't it? i know that you can't bear being alone back then but trust me, the older version of you prefers to be alone. do every hobbies that you love and don't you ever give up on it because the 19 years old version of you is regretting a heaps of it. all of the things that you dreamed about, no. i didn't manage to accomplished it for you due to a few conflicts in life and i hope you will not bawl your eyes out after hearing this news. i know it's disappointing and i'm sorry for only bringing you bad news because that is what it is. what you have right now, you will have less in the future. you will no longer romanticize your life anymore and thinking that every of your birthdays are valued, no. sorry. sorry... i feel like i didn't do much for you. you can punch me however you like. but i don't want you to give up just like that. see? i want you to be kind to everyone. i want you to live in the moment because you will never experience it again in the future. i know you wished for a better future, but the future now is dreary. so... keep on holding on for me, will you? for i will gift you a better future, promise. please hold up my promise this time for i won't disappoint you for the second time! now, i fear that you have some after school courses that you need to take. goodbye and goodluck on your courses!

Halo, Aisy, pasti berat ya di sana? Melalui banyak hal yang memberi kamu tanda tanya—tapi kamu justru gak lekas mendapat jawaban dari pertanyaan tersebut. Pasti berat ya karena tiba-tiba, kamu lahir sebagai anak perempuan pertama yang entah kenapa, rasanya gak banyak memberi kamu ruang. Kamu tiba-tiba diberi tanggung jawab untuk bisa menjadi contoh untuk adik-adik kamu. Kamu tiba-tiba diberi tanggung jawab untuk bisa sempurna. Pergi ke sekolah yang baik, dapat nilai yang tinggi, dan harus masuk universitas ternama. Tiba-tiba, kegagalan jadi hal yang terlarang buat kamu—karena satu kali kamu gagal, kamu bisa nangis di kamar karena merasa kamu sudah gagal dua kali, baik sebagai anak maupun kakak.

Lama-lama, kamu justru tumbuh jadi anak yang banyak rasa takutnya untuk mencoba karena kamu takut kalau nanti kamu gagal dan justru mengecewakan orang lain. Lama-lama, kamu jadi keras dengan diri kamu dan merasa bahwa kamu anak yang banyak kurangnya karena gak bisa menjadi sosok yang diharapkan Bapak.

Tapi, Aisy, aku cuma mau bilang, kegagalan itu gak pernah mengurangi nilai kamu sebagai manusia. Cuma karena kamu gagal, bukan berarti kamu sepenuhnya gagal dalam hidup. Kadang, kamu perlu jatuh supaya kamu tau gimana caranya bangkit. Dan kamu gak pernah sendirian. Gak sekalipun.

Kadang, Aisy kecil suka merasa kalau dia gak punya siapa-siapa. Ibu kerja, bapak kerja, adik-adik masih kecil, dan teman-teman jauh rumahnya. Tapi, nanti, Ibu bakal belajar untuk lebih banyak bangun komunikasi dengan Aisy. Akan ada di satu waktu di 2020 kemarin waktu Aisy gagal besar dan Ibu bilang kalau Ibu gak akan pernah pergi dan akan selalu ada untuk mutar dunia Aisy yang berhenti. Di 2022 nanti, Aisy bakal melalui salah satu lonjakan yang luar biasa. Tapi, Aisy melalui itu semua dengan baik. Aisy masih punya rasa takut yang besar, tapi pelan-pelan Aisy mau belajar buat nyingkirin itu.

Makasih banyak ya Aisy kecil karena sudah mau berproses membentuk diri Aisy yang sekarang. Makasih karena sudah mau tumbuh besar dengan baik. Nanti, kita belajar sama-sama lagi ya. Kita belajar untuk gak lagi takut, kita belajar untuk lebih lembut sama diri sendiri, kita belajar untuk mencintai dan dicintai. Kita belajar lagi perihal banyak hal yang ada di dunia ini.